"turning to one another"
conversation engagement group
october 2004 to may 2006
"Turning to One Another" (TTOA, for short) was a conversation engagement group which ran from October 2004 to May 2006 at Essex Church. It aimed to provide an environment where people could converse with one another about the things which matter most. It was originally inspired by the book of the same name by Margaret Wheatley but the scope of the topics we talk about was adapted to meet our own needs.
You might wonder what we meant when we call TTOA a "conversation engagement group"... Well, by "conversation" we mean allowing time for people to speak without interruption, careful listening, and making sure that there's always a pass option: you don't have to speak at any point if you don't want to. It's not a debating society so we're not trying to intellectually outdo each other or come up with the best anecdote. By "engagement group" we mean that the structure and facilitation of the group is intended to encourage kindness and "right relationship". We open and close the group with the candle-lighting and readings related to our theme, we go over the covenants each time, and we begin with a check-in in the hope of encouraging a good atmosphere. We do our best to start and finish the group on time.
This group has been variously co-facilitated by Jane Blackall, Caroline Blair, Jim Blair, and Sarah Tinker. It was launched back in October 2004 with the help of Rev. Simon John Barlow. Typical attendance was about six people, but numbers attending this group varie greatly, as sometimes a specific theme would attract more people to come along and join us. One effect of holding this group after the service and refreshments on a Sunday is that people who might not come to a midweek engagement group or RE session often made a last-minute decision to stay behind and see what we were up to...
Topics of conversation we explored during the sessions...
May 2006: "Gratitude"
April 2006: "Water"
February 2006: "Being an Individual"
Janurary 2006: "GA Executive Committee Elections"
October 2005: "Making our Unitarian Voice Heard"
September 2005: "Our Creative Contributions"
May 2005: "Growth"
March 2005: "Overcoming Barriers"
February 2005: "Listening"
January 2005: "Expectations"
December 2004: "What is Ministry?"
November 2004: "Congregational Priorities"
October 2004: "Turning to One Another Launch"
Some readings we've used in the sessions...
A Meeting of Minds (adapted)
Used in the session on "Overcoming Barriers"
As much as we Unitarians stress freedom of religion and praise diversity of thought, I suspect it takes most of us a long time to feel comfortable discovering our differences and even longer before we can celebrate them with enthusiasm.
Our initial excitement about our congregations often comes from the feeling that we have at last found people who think like us. When we discover that that might not be entirely the case, we often focus on what we have in common and try to avoid exploring differences that we fear will divide us.
I remember my own excitement when I discovered that "diverse" means "turned in different ways". The root meaning of the word expresses so clearly the strength we can find in diversity, the way the vision of another can enhance our own. On the other hand, to "divide" means "to force apart". Because we fear that expressing our diversity will lead to division, we often retreat into silence (or express our own views so forcefully that others retreat into silence) rather than engaging in the genuine dialogue that will enrich us all.
On occasions when I have been able to explore with another person just where we differ, when we have both had the trust - and the time - to tell each other what we have seen and how we have come to understand it, I have found the experience to be energising and clarifying. My thought is clarified, but the boundaries of my self are also clarified. I am more sure what is the "me" and what is the "not me". And I have found myself in some way bound to the person who is seeking with me. The person who had seemed to be my opponent has suddenly become my partner.
Over the years I have come to believe that the meeting of minds, in loving conversation as well as in common purpose, is both creative and holy.
Barbara Rohde
"Self-Reliance" (excerpt)
Used in the session on "Being an Individual"
I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest and mine and all men's, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth. Does this sound harsh today? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine; and if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Spread Our Good News" (excerpt, adapted)
Used in the session "Making our Unitarian Voice Heard"
Without getting cranky or precious, there are times when we have to set the record straight about Unitarianism. We're a historically viable and theologically genuine alternative. We have to internalise that truth and then spread the message.
Since ours is an unknown or mystifying religion to so many (in our own ranks, not to mention outsiders), we have to become far more conscious about communicating our faith. We need to locate the enduring essence of who we are, then become infectious promoters of our peculiar brand of good news. How many of our aunts or brothers, neighbours or colleagues could benefit from a clearer, crisper summary of Unitarianism? And how about the average person walking the streets of this land?
Our assignment is to tell friends of the heart or strangers on the road not only what Unitarianism means in general but also how it has challenged or comforted us on our particular sojourns. We need to boldly talk about the ways in which liberal religion influences our life. Unitarians are called to converse, not to convert. "Speaking the truth in love" (a phrase from the Christian scriptures) is the litmus test of wholesome dialogue. Truth without love turns callous, even cruel. Love without truth is sentimental, even vacuous. So a healthy church charges its members to speak their faith with passion and without fear or equivocation but with caring regard for the humanity of the person across the table.
We are called to bask in genuine self-esteem, knowing that we are a proud and worthy religious tradition, however unorthodox. We're not a marginal movement, however small. People may not have previously heard about Unitarianism but, after they've met you, they will have encountered a spirited representative.
Tom Owen-Towle
last updated: 03 Aug 2009
