Listening
- May 9
- 19 min read
Updated: May 11
Sunday Service, 10 May 2026
Led by Dr. Mel Prideaux
Musical Prelude: Song of the Birds - Catalan Folk Song (performed by Abby Lorimier and Blanca Graciá Rodríguez)
Opening Words: ‘But The Silence in the Mind’ by RS Thomas
But the silence in the mind
is when we live best, within
listening distance of the silence
we call God. This is the deep
calling to deep of the psalm-
writer, the bottomless ocean.
We launch the armada of
our thoughts on, never arriving.
It is a presence, then,
whose margins are our margins;
that calls us out over our
own fathoms. What to do
but draw a little nearer to
such ubiquity by remaining still?
Words of Welcome and Introduction:
Welcome, welcome into this space of hope and love and light. Welcome to those here in person, those joining us online, those watching a recording at a later date.
Welcome into a time of sacred commitment, belonging, and longing. I am Mel, and it’s a pleasure to lead worship with you again at Kensington. I have been coming to services here very occasionally for many years, and I join your monthly Better World Book Group. I live in mid Wales where my husband Ned and I have a business making charcoal in our woods. I hope if we have not met before, we might meet after the service. Our service today is about the sacred art and practice of listening. Not just of course to sound, as that is not an option for all of us, but in listening to communication in all of its forms, including listening to ourselves, and for the quiet intimations of the divine.
Chalice Lighting: ‘May We Listen’ by Erik Walker Wikstrom
Let’s light our chalice flame now, as Unitarians do each week. It’s a moment for us to stop and take a breath, settle ourselves down, put aside any preoccupations we came in carrying. This simple ritual connects us in solidarity with Unitarians and Unitarian Universalists the world over, and reminds us of the proud and historic progressive religious tradition of which this gathering is part.
These words are from Erik Walker Wikstrom:
Here, today, in this place and with these people,
May we listen so that we can hear;
May we hear so that we can feel;
May we feel so that we can know; and
May we know so that we can change ourselves and this world.
May this chalice we light,
Light our Way.
Hymn 21 (purple): ‘Come and Find the Quiet Centre’
(Mel to introduce hymn)
Come and find the quiet centre
in the crowded life we lead,
find the room for hope to enter,
find the space where we are freed:
clear the chaos and the clutter,
clear our eyes, that we can see
all the things that really matter,
be at peace, and simply be.
Silence is a friend who claims us,
cools the heat and slows the pace;
God it is who speaks and names us,
knows our being, touches base,
making space within our thinking,
lifting shades to show the sun,
raising courage when we’re shrinking,
finding scope for faith begun.
In the Spirit let us travel,
open to each other’s pain;
let our lives and fears unravel,
celebrate the space we gain:
there’s a place for deepest dreaming,
there’s a time for heart to care;
in the Spirit’s lively scheming
there is always room to spare.
Candles of Joy and Concern:
Each week when we gather together, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve an opportunity now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle and say a few words about what it represents. We’ll go to the people in the building first, then to Zoom.
So I invite some of you here in person to come and light a candle and then if you wish to tell us who or what you light your candle for – please keep it brief – be considerate of others. I’m going to ask you to come to the lectern to speak, as we want people to be able to hear you.
(in person candles)
And if that’s everyone in the room we’ll go over to the people on Zoom next – you might like to switch to gallery view at this stage – just unmute yourselves when you are ready and speak out – and we should be able to hear you and see you up on the big screen here in the church.
(zoom candles)
And I’m going to light one more candle, as we often do, to represent all those joys and concerns that we hold in our hearts this day, but which we don’t feel able to speak out loud. (light candle)
Time of Prayer & Reflection: including an Ignatian prayer for discernment
Let’s take those joys and concerns into an extended time of prayer, including some words from an anonymous Jesuit source in the spirit of Ignatian prayer for discernment.
You might want to adjust your position for comfort, close your eyes, or soften your gaze. There might be a posture that helps you feel more prayerful. Whatever works for you. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right state of body and mind for us to pray together – to be fully present here and now, in this sacred time and space – with ourselves, with each other, and with that which is both within us and beyond us. (pause)
Spirit of Life, God of All Love, in whom we live and move and have our being, we turn our full attention to you, the light within and without, as we tune in to the depths of this life, and the greater wisdom to which – and through which – we are all intimately connected.
Be with us now as we allow ourselves to drop into the silence and stillness at the very centre of our being. (pause)
God of silence and God of all sound, help me to listen.
Help me to do the deep listening to the sounds of my soul, waiting to hear your soft voice calling me deeper into you.
Give me attentive ears that begin to separate the noise from the sounds that are you;
you who have been speaking to me and through me my whole life, for so long that you can seem like background noise.
Today help me hear you anew.
And in a good few moments of shared silence and stillness now, may we speak inwardly some of those deepest prayers of our hearts, reaching out in faith and hope to the One Who Holds All. Let us each lift up whatever is on our heart this day – our struggles, our questions, our dreams – and ask for what we most need. (long pause)
Spirit of Life – God of all Love – as this time of prayer comes to a close, we offer up our joys and concerns, our hopes and fears, our beauty and brokenness, and we call on you for insight, healing, and renewal.
As we look forward now to the coming week, help us to live well each day and be our best selves; using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen.
Reading: ‘Words from Quaker Faith and Practice
Ned (my husband) and I were recently visited by dear friends who are Quaker. Of course, there are many connections between Unitarians and Quakers. I sometimes describe myself as a ‘singing Quaker’. Talking to our friends about meetings for worship, about sitting in companionable silence, about what it means to listen, really struck a chord with me when thinking about my theme today. Because, of course, we can only listen if we learn to be silent. Reading some of the sections of Quaker Faith and Practice, also called the Quaker book of discipline, I was struck by some sections which really helped me think about the relationship between silence and listening.
Chapter 2, 2.12, Silent waiting
In silence which is active, the Inner Light begins to glow – a tiny spark. For the flame to be kindled and to grow, subtle argument and the clamour of our emotions must be stilled. It is by an attention full of love that we enable the Inner Light to blaze and illuminate our dwelling and to make of our whole being a source from which this Light may shine out.
Words must be purified in a redemptive silence if they are to bear the message of peace. The right to speak is a call to the duty of listening. Speech has no meaning unless there are attentive minds and silent hearts. Silence is the welcoming acceptance of the other. The word born of silence must be received in silence. Pierre Lacout, 1969
2.63, Meeting for worship, Vocal ministry
When language is used unthinkingly, without being related to the experience of either the speaker or the listener, it is meaningless. Words are only symbols and when there is no shared experience the symbolism breaks down. When we speak of our own experience, our feelings are always involved. The same is true when we listen to others: we may read into their words meanings which are not intended but which reflect our own emotions. Certain words or kinds of language may arouse such strong emotions that we are only able to relate them to our own experience and not to that of the speaker. Speakers too may be unaware of the effect of their words. The more important and profound the subject matter, the greater the need for sensitivity in choosing our words. This is no excuse for playing safe in what we say, or for not listening to others when what they say makes us uncomfortable. Conference: Exploring the fundamental elements of Quakerism, 1986
Hymn (on sheet): ‘Do You Hear?’
(Mel to introduce hymn)
Do you hear, O my friend, in the place where you stand,
Through the sky, through the land, do you hear, do you hear,
In the heights, on the plain, in the vale, on the main,
In the sun, in the rain, do you hear, do you hear?
Through the roar, through the rush, through the throng, through the crush,
Do you hear in the hush of your soul, of your soul,
Hear the cry fear won’t still, hear the heart’s call to will,
Hear a sigh’s startling trill, in your soul, in your soul?
From the place where you stand, to the outermost strand,
Do you hear, O my friend, do you hear, do you hear,
All the dreams, all the dares, all the sighs, all the prayers –
They are yours, mine, and theirs: do you hear, do you hear?
Reading: from ‘Think on These Things’ by Krishnamurti
My next reading is a short excerpt from the writings of Krishnamurti. He had many things to say about the importance of listening as a spiritual practice. I find his concern with this theme somewhat poignant because it is hard not to imagine that he had a very difficult time with being listened to as a young man. He was adopted as a child by members of the Theosophical Society to become what they called ‘the World Teacher’, and was trained to hold almost messianic status. This must have been an incredible burden, and he parted company with the Theosophical Society as a young adult, and started a teaching which was based on his oft quoted maxim that ‘Truth is a pathless land’ – that each individual must work on self understanding, right relationships and not follow any religious guru or leader. He was however convinced until his death that he had a special access to higher knowledge, which again poignantly, he believed had influenced nobody. An interesting figure, and with some interesting and sometimes challenging and contradictory teachings.
“Listen to the bells, the bells of the cows and of the temples; listen to the distant train and the carts on the road; and if you then come nearer still and listen to me also, you will find there is a great depth to listening. But to do this you must have a very quiet mind. If you really want to listen, your mind is naturally quiet, is it not? You are not then distracted by something happening next to you; your mind is quiet because you are deeply listening to everything. If you can listen in this way with ease, with a certain felicity, you will find an astonishing transformation taking place in your heart, in your mind – a transformation which you have not thought of, or in any way produced. If you can really listen to everything – to the lapping of the water on the bank of a river, to the song of the birds, to the crying of a child, to your mother scolding you, to a friend bullying you, to your wife or husband nagging you – then you will find that you go beyond the words, beyond the mere verbal expressions which so tear one’s being.”
Words for Meditation: from Barbara J Pescan
We’re moving into a time of meditation now. To take us into stillness I’m going to share words from Barbara J Pescan. Following these words, we will hold a few minutes of shared silence, which will end with the sound of a bell. Then we’ll hear music for meditation from our wonderful musicians. So let’s do what we need to do to get comfortable – adjust your position – put your feet flat on the floor to ground yourself – close your eyes. As ever, these words and music are just an offering, feel free to use this time to meditate in your own way.
Thou that hearest, listen —
In the beginning is the cry —
inarticulate — inchoate — essential.
The primal cry of desire.
Much later comes the word —
ordered — various —
pattern on a dark glass.
O, how we must listen
to hear the wanting within the word
O, listen to hear the meaning
in the soul of what is said.
The first act of a prophet
is to hear one’s own first cry.
In the silence, let us listen…
Period of Silence and Stillness (~3 minutes) – end with a bell
Interlude: Aria - Francesco Durante (performed by Abby Lorimier and Blanca Graciá Rodríguez)
Reflection: ‘Listening’ by Dr. Mel Prideaux
You have heard a lot of words already today. It is in the nature of Unitarian Sunday worship that we listen to a person sharing words – their own and others. We might not HEAR the words (we may have them written down if our hearing is restricted) but we LISTEN nonetheless. And sometimes there are a lot of words aren’t there? We can’t remember all the words, not all of them land with us, not all of them resonant in some way. Not all of them we understand. We listen though for those things which resonate, which we know as soon as we hear that we will continue to think about for the coming week.
Have any words landed with you yet today? Let’s just sit for a few beats of silence with the aim of just noticing which words so far, if any, have really resonated?
Now a question for you to ponder, and maybe we can talk about later. WHY do you think the words landed with you? Or maybe why do you they didn’t? Was it the poetry of the writing, was it an image that was conjured, was it a memory stirred, was it a message you needed to hear today, was it a message you have been avoiding? Or was it something else, maybe the light caught your eye in a particular way, or you noticed someone else’s response to the words, or the delivery or phrasing jarred?
A ask these questions because I want us to think about the quality and nature of our listening. What it is we are listening to, what qualities are needed for good listening, and why listening matters to us and to those we listen to. I like to think of them as the conditions for quality listening.
Here at Kensington some of you will have had experience of Engagement Groups (or of groups such as Heart and Soul which use) Engagement Group methodology, and some of you will be aware of the covenants which we commit to in making Engagement Groups work. There are three which specifically relate to Listening:
2. We will take care to listen to others without interruption, cross-talk, expressing judgement, or personal comment (and not jump in with our own anecdotes or unsolicited advice when they’ve finished).
3. We will allow people to talk about difficult situations/feelings without trying to ‘fix them’ (unless they’ve explicitly asked for help).
9. We respect one another’s right to participate in ways that they feel are best for them and at a depth which enables each one to get the most out of the experience they can.
These provide us with a very practical framework within which to do the work of quality listening. They give us guiderails to remind us that we are listening to another person, not waiting for our moment to comment, not engaging in discussion, but being a huge ‘ear on legs’. All our focus in on listening to what is being said.
A necessary prerequisite of that quality listening is silence. And my readings really focussed on the quality of silence needed for listening. So the necessary conditions for listening must always rest on silence. And that is not just the silent hearing of another person but also the silence which allows us to hear the voice within, or the voice of God. Unitarians are not always so comfortable with silence and I consider it a welcome development in our worship that periods of silence have become longer, more held, and more central to our experience of worship. Without the periods of silence, when do we have space to really hear those many words? And without those periods of silence, when do we really find what it is we want to say?
I love especially those Quaker words as they are very practical but also make me think of listening as multi-dimensional. In silence we listen to what the other communicates and that other may be the person who is speaking, but it may also be to the Other which many of us call God. And so when we have listened in silence, and listened to our own silence, we might find there is something we want to say only then do we speak. Our speaking is rooted in deep silence, it is shared into silence, and it is received with deep listening. As Pierre Lacout said ‘The word born of silence must be received in silence.’
The Engagement Group covenants give us those very practical conditions for listening. Not interrupting, not listening with expectation, not listening in order to debate or discuss. These are not easy skills to learn and we all struggle with them, but I would say these are the next layer of necessary conditions for listening. After a commitment to ‘listening silence’ comes those rules about how it is to listen. Not just because they stop us from interrupting or disrupting someone’s flow but because they teach us the discipline of stilling our own desire to speak and to be heard. My Quaker friend rather controversially said that the best meetings for worship were when nobody spoke, but the quality of silence in the room meant that everyone was listening intently to the voice within.
I would also argue, and I have found this one hard to both express and to accept myself, that a necessary condition for listening is to listen without judgement, with love and inclusively. Sometimes the one who is communicating can not find the right words. Does not know the accepted language for communicating their ideas. Does not understand how their words might land. Sometimes they know that what they want to say will be hard for people to listen to. And I think there must be room in listening to accept that this is the case. That we need to listen, even if it is hard, even if it hurts, because it is not always about us. To repeat those words from Krishnamurti:
“If you can really listen to everything – to the lapping of the water on the bank of a river, to the song of the birds, to the crying of a child, to your mother scolding you, to a friend bullying you, to your wife or husband nagging you – then you will find that you go beyond the words, beyond the mere verbal expressions which so tear one’s being.”
Clearly, I’m not saying that if someone purposefully or repeatedly says things to hurt that this should be acceptable or go unchallenged. Instead, I am agreeing with that earlier quote from Quaker Faith and Action:
“…our feelings are always involved. The same is true when we listen to others: we may read into their words meanings which are not intended but which reflect our own emotions. Certain words or kinds of language may arouse such strong emotions that we are only able to relate them to our own experience and not to that of the speaker. Speakers too may be unaware of the effect of their words. The more important and profound the subject matter, the greater the need for sensitivity in choosing our words. This is no excuse for playing safe in what we say, or for not listening to others when what they say makes us uncomfortable.”
And I think this inclusive or sensitive listening is important in helping us to become good allies for those with different life experiences to our own. Lets think of the experience of someone who is heterosexual in a religious group where homosexuality is considered sinful. When they first hear the testimony of someone who is gay, are they listening to that testimony or are they listening to their memories of scripture and their own prejudice? They are hurt by the words of the person who is gay, they find the language unacceptable and even offensive, what they are listening to is difficult to hear. But if they can listen through that pain, if they can listen rather than respond to the deeper teaching of their scripture, perhaps they can come to a new position. But if they shut down the speaker because the language or the subject matters offends them, then they get nowhere. And so maybe it should be when we hear the other side, when we hear those bigoted and offensive positions, maybe we need to listen deeper. To try to hear what is beyond the words, to try to hear what is beyond and beneath our response, not because our fundamental principles might change but because in that listening we might come to a place of understanding where we can find common ground which might liberate both of us. This, I think, is the hardest work of listening. I know many of us are struggling with it in the current political climate. A recent social media post from the good people at Refugee Week, which is marked 15th-21st June highlighted this need to listen, and I thought was incredibly powerful. I’ll read you the text:
“Courageous conversations are where we speak from the heart, stand up for our shared values, and listen not just to respond, but to truly build understanding.
When we listen deeply with genuine attention and curiosity, we create space for new ideas and perspectives.
By being present and open, we can discover that beneath our different experiences and languages, there is common ground that unites all of us.”
Lastly, let me circle back to something I have mentioned in passing. Much of what I have said has focussed on listening to another person, but I have also indicated the importance of listening to the voice within, listening to God, letting all the clamour go and in silence listening to something more than the human. This is something we may do in periods of meditative silence in church, and I’d like to recommend it as something to do in daily life as well. Many years ago, through Hucklow Summer School I was introduced to The Examen, an Ignatian prayer practice which invites us to reflect on our day, and to listen for the guiding voice or, to use the Jesuit language, to ‘discern God’s direction for us’. Obviously some of us may not find that theologically comfortable as a motivation, but as a practice it is way to give space each day to listen to what is inside us, whatever that might mean. The prayer I used earlier is one of the best encapsulations of it, and I will close by repeating the words:
God of silence and God of all sound, help me to listen.
Help me to do the deep listening to the sounds of my soul, waiting to hear your soft voice calling me deeper into you.
Give me attentive ears that begin to separate the noise from the sounds that are you;
you who have been speaking to me and through me my whole life, for so long that you can seem like background noise.
Today help me hear you anew. Amen
Hymn 208 (purple): ‘When Our Heart is in a Holy Place’
(Mel to introduce hymn)
When our heart is in a holy place,
when our heart is in a holy place,
we are blessed with love and amazing grace,
when our heart is in a holy place.
When we trust the wisdom in each of us,
ev’ry colour, ev’ry creed and kind,
and we see our faces in each other’s eyes,
then our heart is in a holy place.
When our heart is in a holy place,
when our heart is in a holy place,
we are blessed with love and amazing grace,
when our heart is in a holy place.
When we tell our story from deep inside,
and we listen with a loving mind,
and we hear our voice in each other’s words,
then our heart is in a holy place.
When our heart is in a holy place,
when our heart is in a holy place,
we are blessed with love and amazing grace,
when our heart is in a holy place.
When we share the silence of sacred space,
and the God of our heart stirs within,
and we feel the power of each other’s faith,
then our heart is in a holy place.
When our heart is in a holy place,
when our heart is in a holy place,
we are blessed with love and amazing grace,
when our heart is in a holy place.
When our heart is in a holy place.
Announcements:
Many thanks to Mel for leading our service today. Thanks to Jane for hosting and Aisha for co-hosting. Thanks to Abby and Blanca for lovely music and Benjie for supporting our singing. Thanks to Juliet for greeting and Marianne for making coffee. If you’re online stay for a chat with Aisha if you can. If you’re in-person please do stay for tea and cake (it’s apple and sultana cake, or apple and pear cake, this time). At 12.30 Hannah is offering yoga here in the church or from 1.00 we’ve got the Crafternoon next door in the hall.
Tonight and Friday at 7pm we’ve got our online ‘Heart and Soul’ online contemplative spiritual gathering – this week it’s on the theme of ‘Leisure’ – sign up with Charlotte for tonight or Rita for Friday night (you can find their email addresses on the order of service or the Friday email).
Sonya will be here with her Nia Dance class on Friday lunchtime.
Next Sunday the service will be led by our own Sarah Tinker on ‘Futility and Other Life Lessons’.
We’ve got a late addition to the programme: After the service on Sunday 24th May we’ll be hosting a screening of ‘The People’s Emergency Briefing’, a 50-minute film about the climate emergency, followed by a conversation about our responses and what we can do to bring about change. Jasmine is organising this event so perhaps you can ask her for more information.
Our walking group is going to the Lee Valley on Tuesday 26th May. Please let Jane know if you’re planning to come along to that and we’ll let you know the precise meeting details.
This month the Better World Book Club is talking about ‘Is This Working?’ by Charlie Colenutt and we have one copy left to lend out. That’s on 31st May on Zoom - sign up if you plan to come.
And looking further ahead we’re going to run a six part course over the summer called ‘How to Be a Unitarian’ – that’ll be led by Jane and Charlotte online – even if you’ve attended it before you can come again – we’ll be joined by friends from all over the country to explore questions of what it means to be a Unitarian and all the different forms it can take. Sign up with Jane ASAP.
Details of all our various activities are on the order of service, also in the Friday email, so sign up for our mailing list if you haven’t already done so. The congregation very much has a life beyond Sunday mornings; we encourage you to keep in touch, look out for each other, and do what you can to nurture supportive connections. Just time for our closing words and closing music now.
Benediction: based on words by John O’Donohue
Thank you for listening this morning. Listening to me, but listening too to one another, and to your own heart and soul.
I close with a favourite Benediction, from John O’Donohue
On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets into you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green
and azure blue,
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
Amen
Closing Music: Chanson de Matin - Edward Elgar (performed by Abby Lorimier and Blanca Graciá Rodríguez)
Dr. Mel Prideaux
10th May 2026