Right Relation

Sunday Service, 22 February 2026

Led by Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall and Jasmine Cooray

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALRfGdIv7yc

Musical Prelude: A Foggy Day (Gershwin) (performed by Abby Lorimier and Andrew Robinson)     

Opening Words: ‘The Heart of Our Faith’ by Monica Jacobson-Tennessen (adapted)

What is it

That calls you here

That calls you onward

That calls you inward

That leads you homeward?

What is it

That gives you the power

To make that change

To ask that question

To take that journey?

What is it

That says you have done well

That asks you to learn more

That brings you to stillness

That holds you up in hard times?

It is relationship. Connection.

The beating heart of our faith.

It begins when we share

This hour

Our truths

This space

Our hearts.

So let us nurture our connections

and aspire to grow in right relationship

as we join in worship together this morning, once again.

Words of Welcome and Introduction: 

These words from Monica Jacobson-Tennessen welcome all who have gathered this morning for our Sunday service. Welcome to those who have gathered in-person at Essex Church, to all who are joining via Zoom, and anyone tuning in at a later date via YouTube or listening to the podcast stream.  For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Jane Blackall, and I’m minister with Kensington Unitarians.

This morning we will be exploring the theme of ‘Right Relation’ – and later in the service we’ll hear some personal reflections on this topic from Jasmine Cooray who will ask ‘what does it mean to be in right relation? Is it as simple as "do right by others", ‘love thy neighbour", "do unto others as you would have done to you?"' This is not an easy question, and as our own Sarah Tinker has written, ‘there is no static, happy ever after, state of “right relationship” to arrive at where we can all relax. Like balancing on a bicycle, in our relatedness we will be forever in movement, re-adjustments both subtle and large will forever be required of us. Love needs to be invited in, again and again and again.’

Chalice Lighting: ‘Our Connection and Our Uniqueness’ by Adam Slate (adapted)

Let’s light our chalice flame now, as we do each week. It’s a moment for us to stop and take a breath, settle ourselves down, put aside any preoccupations we came in carrying. This simple ritual connects us in solidarity with Unitarians and Unitarian Universalists the world over, and reminds us of the proud and historic progressive religious tradition of which this gathering is part.

(light chalice) 

We gather this morning as one community

A community united by common ideals:

Love, justice, diversity, freedom, mutual care, equity.

Yet look around.

Look at the faces of those around you

(both in the building and on the screen).

Each face represents an individual, irreplaceable.

Every one of us with our own story, needs, strengths, and faults.

We light our chalice today honouring our common connection

And also the uniqueness that lives within each of us.

Hymn 196 (purple): ‘We Sing the Faith’

Our first hymn is number 196 in your purple hymnbooks: ‘We Sing the Faith’. For those joining on zoom the words will be up on screen. Feel free to stand or sit as you prefer.

We sing the faith, which gives us confidence

for human dwelling in the vast immense

and finding there within the great unknown

that there's a cosmic law and order shown.

We sing the hope, which shows us there are ways

for living through our very darkest days

and glimpse beyond a path which leads us on

to find the place where new days have begun.

We sing the love, which is creation's law,

and in a single whole its parts will draw;

and since parts turn and swerve, collide and move,

forgiveness is the final form of love.

Faith, hope and love: we honour each and three

but there's one virtue which we all agree

stands out among the others far above

and that 'the greatest of the three is love'.

Candles of Joy and Concern:

Each week when we gather together, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve an opportunity now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle and say a few words about what it represents. We’ll go to the people in the building first, then to Zoom.

So I invite some of you here in person to come and light a candle and then if you wish to tell us who or what you light your candle for – please keep it brief – be considerate of others. I’m going to ask you to come to the lectern to speak, as we want people to be able to hear you. 

(in person candles)  

And if that’s everyone in the room we’ll go over to the people on Zoom next – you might like to switch to gallery view at this stage – just unmute yourselves when you are ready and speak out – and we should be able to hear you and see you up on the big screen here in the church.

(zoom candles)  

And I’m going to light one more candle, as we often do, to represent all those joys and concerns that we hold in our hearts this day, but which we don’t feel able to speak out loud. (light candle)

Time of Prayer & Reflection: based on words by Lyn Cox

Let’s take those joys and concerns into an extended time of prayer. This prayer is based on some words by Lyn Cox. You might want to adjust your position for comfort, close your eyes, or soften your gaze. There might be a posture that helps you feel more prayerful. Whatever works for you. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right state of body and mind for us to pray together – to be fully present here and now, in this sacred time and space – with ourselves, with each other, and with that which is both within us and beyond us. (pause)

Spirit of Life, God of All Love, in whom we live and move and have our being,

   we turn our full attention to you, the light within and without,

      as we tune in to the depths of this life, and the greater wisdom

         to which – and through which – we are all intimately connected.

      Be with us now as we allow ourselves to drop into the

         silence and stillness at the very centre of our being. (pause)

Spirit of Life, God of All Love, ancestor of the stars and the sun,

you who embrace the vastness of space and us along with it, be with us today.

Hold us in our daily trials; our worry, our weariness, our grief.

Keep us close as we sit with our truth, whatever that may be.

Lead us to rest in the quiet, to find solace and renewal,

this day as we reflect on the changing seasons of our lives.

You whose arms open with the spinning galaxies,

help us to make room, as you do, for all that is.

Open our hearts to our loved ones, our neighbours,

the beings with whom we share this planet.

Lead us to reach out to others in compassion.

Turn us toward one another in mercy,

right relationship, and reconciliation.

You who have seen the rising and setting of suns,

of seasons, of civilizations, remind us of all that we have learned

from the history of the world and from our own histories.

Give us the courage to face our mistakes, and to repair them whenever possible.

Help us understand our interdependence, our relatedness

with all of the other spinning lives around us,

and lead us to treat those relationships with care.

In this space, filled with souls who shine like stars,

this space filled with the soft sparkle of love and care,

we give thanks for this moment we have to be together.

May our senses be open to the beauty of this day, this season, this world.

The beauty that endures and which may lift our hearts,

if only we are able to notice it, to give it our attention. (short pause)

And in a few moments of shared silence and stillness now,

may we speak inwardly some of those deepest prayers of our hearts —

the joys and sorrows we came in carrying –

in our own lives and the lives of the wider world.

Let us each lift up whatever is on our heart this day,

give thanks for all the blessings we have been given,

and ask for whatever it is that we most need. (long pause)  

Spirit of Life – God of all Love – as this time of prayer comes to a close, we offer up

   our joys and concerns, our hopes and fears, our beauty and brokenness,

      and we call on you for insight, healing, and renewal.

As we look forward now to the coming week,

     help us to live well each day and be our best selves;

     using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen.

In-Person Reading: ‘Right Relationship and Sturdy Intimacy’ by Sarah Tinker (excerpt, adapted) (read by Sonya)

In 2022, Hucklow Summer School offered a series of talks on ‘Right Relationship’, which were published in this little volume: ‘Right Relationship in the Real World’. Our own Sarah and Jane gave one of those talks and the following is an extended excerpt – about six minutes – of what Sarah Tinker had to say. She wrote:

Some of us humans put a lot of effort into discerning how we should best behave in relationship with others. Just take a look at those bookshop shelves filled with self-improvement titles. And I suspect quite a few of us will have come away from time spent with others and chewed anxiously over what we, or they, said or did, or how we could have handled things better. Not surprising then that human groups and societies create laws, rules and guidelines to try and help us establish right relationship.

Various cultures and religions have developed versions of what became known as The Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. As a Religious Education teacher back in the day, a happy lesson could be spent exploring the many versions of this rule, and designing a poster illustrating all the ways we could treat people nicely. But there was usually at least one thoughtful teenager who would query whether everyone on this planet would actually want to be treated as we want to be treated. Aren’t we all different? And of course we are.  The so-called Platinum Rule (platinum being considerably more valuable than gold) has been variously attributed and suggests that we treat others as they would wish to be treated. It’s certainly an improvement because it elicits an empathic response to the other person. It requires us to be interested in them rather than leaping to assumptions about how they would like to be treated based on our own preferences. We need to discover, through dialogue, what the other person wants and needs. But that has problems too. Some people would want to be treated in ways that aren’t in their best interests or the wider grouping’s interests. People’s yearnings have to be balanced against the wants and needs of others.

I can’t imagine ever claiming that I was in right relationship with anybody. I think the best I’d ever say is that I and others are fumbling around trying to communicate effectively with each other, trying our best to understand each other, doing what we can to express what’s inside us, how we’re thinking and feeling, what our hopes and dreams currently are, alongside our fears and anxieties. Working on our communication skills has to be the key way in which to build right relationship. And what might that look like? Probably different for each of  us – but for me I have to overcome blocks of niceness, anxieties about upsetting someone, of fear of the other, and what I might hear – I have to carve out time to actually be with the other person because communication takes time, far longer than I’m often ready to give to it. Building right relationship requires me to lean in towards another person rather than backing away when there’s a difficult situation. Aren’t most of us quick to back off when things get difficult or heated or awkward and embarrassing? Our own Michaela von Britzke has written of the need for ‘sturdy intimacy’ in our relationships – as a way to overcome the shallow, superficial niceness of our culture.

And along with that sturdy intimacy we have to develop our skills of curiosity, of gentle questioning, of expressing our interest in another person. We have to be willing to express our confusion and to seek clarification. We have to rein back our assumptions and any illusions that we can read another person’s mind. When we develop such skills we help the other person self-disclose. We encourage them to tell us something of themselves, to express their vulnerability. This ability to tell others something intimate about ourselves is one of the first planks of the bridge we hope to build between ourselves and another. It says: I’m here, I’m vulnerable like you, I’m interested in you, tell me more.

Hymn 181 (purple): ‘Wake, Now, My Senses’

Thanks Sonya. Let’s sing again now – our second hymn is number 181 in the purple books – ‘Wake, Now, My Senses’. If you read music, please ignore the music! We’re singing it to the tune ‘Slane’.

Wake, now, my senses, and hear the earth call;

feel the deep power of being in all;

keep with the web of creation your vow,

giving, receiving as love shows us how.

Wake, now, my reason, reach out to the new;

join with each pilgrim who quests for the true;

honour the beauty and wisdom of time;

suffer thy limit, and praise the sublime.

Wake, now, compassion, give heed to the cry;

voices of suffering fill the wide sky;

take as your neighbour both stranger and friend,

praying and striving their hardship to end.

Wake, now, my conscience, with justice thy guide;

join with all people whose rights are denied;

take not for granted a privileged place;

God's love embraces the whole human race.

Wake, now, my vision of ministry clear;

brighten my pathway with radiance here;

mingle my calling with all who would share;

work toward a planet transformed by our care.

Mini-Reflection: ‘Right Relationship in the Real World’ by Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall 

As Sonya said, a few years ago (in 2022), the theme of Hucklow Summer School (our annual week-long gathering for Unitarian religious education), was ‘Right Relationship’. And this little book ‘Right Relationship in the Real World’ came out a year or so later – collecting all our talks together – we still have a few spare copies knocking around so if you didn’t get one at the time and you’d like one have a word with me after the service.

For my little contribution to this morning’s reflections I wanted to revisit that title: ‘Right Relationship in the Real World’. Right relationship is a subject we keep returning to (it’s sort of implicitly woven into the fabric of everything we talk about here) but my particular focus today is what right relationship might look like for us real human beings with all our various foibles and complications. Human relationships are messy. We have all got a history and inheritance – a whole load of baggage we carry along with us – that influences our wants and needs and behaviours in ways that are often unpredictable. There are lots of ways in which relationship can go wrong.

Like Sarah said, we might use the Golden Rule (or, even better, the Platinum Rule) as a basic rule-of-thumb to guide our day-to-day conduct, if we aspire to ‘right relationship’ – do unto others as they would want to be done to, that sort of thing – but discerning what the people in our lives would actually want to happen in any given situation is not a trivial task (and that’s before we even think about tackling the thorny matter of weighing up the other person’s needs and wishes against our own, or start making judgements about what’s in their best interests, or the greater good). I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but human beings are highly peculiar! Including me, and you. We all have different preferences, different comfort zones. An experience that one of us takes in our stride – even relishes – might be sensitive, stressful, triggering for another.  We’re all constantly navigating that boundary between safety and challenge – venturing out beyond our ‘growing edge’ to expand our horizons – then scurrying back in again. At least, I think most of us are doing that, if we aspire to flourish, to really live to the full. We might not be fully aware of our own ‘stuff’; even if we have done a lot of work on ourselves, a lot of introspection, we might struggle to explain ourselves to others, to articulate what’s going on internally. And, crucially, we can’t read each other’s minds!

All these are, to say the least, complicating factors when it comes to human relating. Whether we mean to or not, we find ourselves forever stepping on each other’s toes, even when we are trying our very best to be kind and loving to each other. But whether it’s in the context of our personal, intimate, connections, or in the context of being part of a larger community, our fumbling attempts to live in ‘right relationship’ are – for most of us – the primary way in which we play our part in this grand project of building a better world. So, if we are serious about this business of right relationship, how might we cultivate the conditions for creating and sustaining it? Or at least inching towards it; it’s not really a destination we can expect to conclusively arrive at – the job is never done…

I think one key practice here is showing up for each other when the going gets tough. Though I am going to put one big asterisk in here, before I go any further, and say that none of this applies in a situation where abuse is going on, and you or anyone else is at risk of serious harm. I’m talking about the everyday ouches of most human relationships. Disagreements. Misunderstandings. Carelessly poking each other’s tender spots. In these ordinary-but-difficult moments of right-relating, the key practice is showing up, staying in the room, or in the conversation, and being authentically present to the other – without playing games or going round the houses – as uncomfortable as that might be. Direct and honest communication is a vital part of this (maybe a topic to return to another day). Right relationship requires us to reach out to one another, even when that feels hard.  To initiate the awkward conversation of ‘what just happened?’ and ‘how did we get to this ouchy place?’, and ‘what might we do now to put things right or do things differently?’

And it can be such a delicate business – such a balancing act – especially in situations where we’re feeling hurt and there are a lot of big emotions or reactions flying around. Indeed, we might find ourselves in fight or flight mode (or freeze or fawn or flop) – our response to something going awry might be a trauma response in the first instance – and not something we have much conscious control over at all. But what comes next? If we can work through that initial reaction, and soothe ourselves, different possibilities might emerge. Instead of blowing up the relationship irreparably, or running away, or smoothing things over and pretending nothing ever happened, we can choose to be present and real. Embrace the messiness of being human and let it take us deeper.  Look for the learning – about self and other – that might come out of the encounter. Possibly even treat it as an invitation to stretch a little at our own ‘growing edge’.

One of my favourite chapters in this little book is by my colleague and excellent human Cody Coyne, Minister at Cross Street Chapel, Manchester, on ‘Repair as a Sacred Task’. I’m going to share a few paragraphs from Cody to close my little contribution. He says:

‘How do we create [Right Relationship] when we are wounded by others – and when we ourselves cause pain?... Right Relationship seeks to grant people the fullness of their being in connection with others. And when this fullness is not honoured, or the connection is strained, we need to repair the relationship. It is a process that includes acceptance of error and humanness, vulnerability and trust, and corrective action.

For a relationship to be vibrant, it has to be responsive: living, shifting, growing as the participants grow… When done well, Repair not only restores Right Relationship but actually strengthens it. Over-stepping boundaries at times, but with the expectancy that this will happen, and with the willingness to grow and change, helps to foster trust. With a greater sense of trust, we can engage in our relationships more authentically, more fully, knowing that our mistakes will not sever the bonds that we have formed. Acknowledgment, apology, and corrective action are necessary for the preservation of relationship. Right Relationship necessarily involves error and repair… understanding the boundaries of our own being and wellness, and respecting boundaries set by others.

Repair is not easy: it is often a messy process, and it can take a long time. It may require compromise, listening, and forgiveness. All skills that rarely receive headline space in today’s world. But to maintain Right Relationship, to exist in community with others while maintaining our full humanity, is a Divine Blessing worthy of such work.’

Words from Cody Coyne. I’m going to hand over to Jasmine now for our meditation which continues our exploration of this messy, human, business of right relation.  

Words for Meditation: ‘Dear Failure’ by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer (read by Jasmine)

We’re moving into a time of meditation now. To take us into stillness I’m going to share a poem – another one by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer! – titled ‘Dear Failure’. It speaks to the oh-so-human experience of our trying (and failing) to do the right thing in relationship. And the invitation to hang on in there and try again. Following the poem we will hold a few minutes of shared silence which will end with the sound of a bell. Then we’ll hear music for meditation from Abby and Andrew. So let’s do what we need to do to get comfortable – adjust your position – put your feet flat on the floor to ground yourself – close your eyes. As ever, these words and music are just an offering, feel free to use this time to meditate in your own way.

‘Dear Failure’ by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

It is easy to meet you in meditation.

Today, when I failed to focus on my breath,

I kept breathing anyway. Easy to meet you

in the garden where I planted the green beans too late

and harvestless, bought some at the store.

Harder to meet you when I fear

I am failing as a wife because

I missed my anniversary

to stay bedside with my mother.

Harder to meet you when I am afraid

I am failing as a daughter

when I leave my mother’s bed

to go to my own daughter.

I so want to get it right,

this showing up for the people I love.

I so want to get it right,

this longing to be enough.

Oh failure, I have not wanted

to learn your lessons, have wanted

to believe I could fix, could be all.

And you, great teacher, have humbled me

again and again, helping me see

how much I care.

There’s more than getting it right at stake.

You help me debunk perfection,

offering yourself as a friend.

Each time I fall,

you reach out to take my hand

saying, Fail on, sweetheart.

Wouldn’t you like

to try again with your loving?

Period of Silence and Stillness (~3 minutes) – end with a bell  

Interlude: They Can't Take That Away From Me (Gershwin) (performed by Abby Lorimier and Andrew Robinson)    

Reflection: ‘Right Relation’ by Jasmine Cooray

What does it mean to be in Right Relation? Is it as simple as ‘do right by others’, ‘love thy neighbour’, ‘do unto others as you would have done to you?’.

The idea of being in Right Relation can be seen to underpin what many faiths aim to instil: an intention to act thoughtfully, fairly and honestly, to be effortful and generous where one can, to treat one another well, to avoid causing harm where possible. To acknowledge that we are in relationship at all: that how we move through our lives affects others.

To be in Right Relation with the world around us might mean trying to waste less, give to others if we have extra, make ethical consumer choices. For some it might mean saying grace, writing thank you notes, doing the thing you said you were going to do. Fighting for Justice. Picking up the phone when you’d rather not at that moment. Giving a last Rolo without gritting your teeth. Guiding a snail gently onto a leaf and then slowly relocating it rather than chucking it unceremoniously over the fence.

When the idea of Right Relation first crossed my path I was struck by how radical it seemed. And I wondered why that was. I thought ‘where might this be less fluffy and heartwarming, and more uncomfortable or complicated? And what resistance to it might we come up against in ourselves?’

One of the challenges I think of Right Relation is it might ask us to think beyond transaction. In Indigenous-American Botanist Robin Wall Kimmerer’s book The Serviceberry, she compares market economy - the trading of commodities, with a gift economy. Gift economy is a system based on generosity and gratitude, modelled on symbiotic relationship with the natural world. A tree produces berries, but in return it is given seed distribution. It gives without conditions. In a gift economy, there is no hoarding or withholding - there is giving where possible, there is taking when needed, there is sharing when there is abundance, and there is gratitude for what is made available. There is no ownership or debt.

If I am thinking transactionally, I might say ‘I’m only going to offer you something if it’s clear what I get from you in return.’ Equally, I might feel reluctant to receive from others if I am not sure what I can give back. But in a gift economy, offerings flow to where they are needed, and it's understood that what you need will flow to you, though maybe not from the place you gave to. I might make dinner for another person when I’m able. Maybe another time, someone else helps me put up a shelf or gives me a lift. Perhaps then, seeing resources as belonging to everyone, and trusting that you’ll be able to find what you need when you need it , might make it easier to be generous with time, energy, or kindness, and be less calculating when asked for help, or giving it. Perhaps also, recognising what you already have, changes your relationship to giving and receiving.

What if, in response to an opportunity to step in with generosity, you hold back? Being stuck in a particular role might hinder one’s willingness to contribute. I am the youngest child in my family: the youngest child often is not given as much responsibility as those older. I grew up with the feeling ‘nothing is my job because I am the youngest’. Recently my older sister was in hospital and I had the opportunity to support her - reassuring her when she was scared, finding things she needed, communicating and advocating on her behalf, checking in on her husband. One of the things she really appreciated was a package of long vets’ plastic gloves to cover her cannula while washing.

It was a crisis situation so not much time to think, but on another level I felt myself deciding to step in regardless of how much or little she and I get on, or the incurrent stressors involved. If I had remained in my familiar position, I wouldn’t have done any of this. But I saw an opportunity to redress the balance of a dynamic in which my sister would always give, advise, initiate, support, and others of us would be passive or only receive the benefit of her generosity. It didn't feel right - or in right relation - to let that imbalance continue, to not repay her efforts with presence and care.

This wasn’t a situation free of discomfort. But it was about deciding that something was important, more important than comfort: something coming back into line.

Right Relation, I think, asks us to act on purpose - with intention. I don’t think it's easy to do this. But what does it take to decide moment to moment, how to move in the world? As a psychotherapist, I am schooled in the notion that as well as being governed by survival, relationship, culture, law, pleasure or satisfaction, to some degree we are governed by our unconscious.

Accepting that people are driven by unconscious forces can seem to some a very compassionate angle, and to some an indulgent one. How many times have we heard some version of the phrase ‘it's not their fault, it's the way they were brought up’?. A therapeutic approach would always want to uncover the reasons, however seemingly illogical, behind a person’s behaviour, and then encourage them to act more in the best interests of themselves and those around them. So this means both acknowledging each of us has ways of being we have practised in order to manage in our lives, and also accepting our own agency. But this means accepting that no-one else is going to come in and make those choices for us, take our risks, remove our disappointments. Maybe though, the empowerment in choice is a worthwhile substitute for such a fantasy, and can be as much a mode of expression as following the impulses of our moods, energy levels, changeable viewpoints, grudges, and resentments 

Recently I was speaking to a friend about the choice to care for, or not to care for, one’s frail parents. She had decided that right now, she wouldn’t choose to care for her mother, because of many years of feeling suffocated by her. Perhaps she imagined being an ineffective or cruel carer because of the history. I thought about this, wondered whether I might feel the same if I were in her shoes. I’m trying to say, I don’t think Right Relation is one-size or one-way fits all.

But it did make me think about how Right-Relation might be hindered by a resistance to the idea of duty - perhaps the association of duty with entrapment. Perhaps we might think that duty involves a total surrender of all our personal wishes, dreams or choices.

I remember that when my grandmother had dementia in the 1990s, my mother travelled several hours to see her, sometimes several times a week. My grandmother had not treated my mother well, compromised as she was by her own mental health issues and lack of resources. Some would say ‘you don’t have to do that’, but she chose to, and I believe she did so not to signal virtue but because she thought it was the right thing to do.

What if Right Relation contains within it a kind of duty that still enables us to be separate, to have agency, and to act toward others with respect, kindness and generosity? Maybe there is an opportunity within it to find personal meaning in doing what seems right.

So far my emphasis has been on finding ways to step forward when we might be tempted not to. But acting in Right Relation also means acknowledging one’s limits. We only have so much time, energy, capacity, skill or financial resources. Sometimes you’re not going to be able to meet the person who wants something from you with a yes. And a dishonest yes, I think, is worse than a no. It is a waste of time, energy, and hope for all involved. Whatever the type of relationship, no one likes to be strung along or blindsided. So I have learned that sometimes right-relation requires you to tolerate being ‘the bad guy’, to tolerate being the bearer of disappointment in the service of honesty and respect for the other. And perhaps we can release the other to find what they want elsewhere.

In Raymond Antrobus’s poem O Separation, he talks about the process of separating from his wife, and the last lines say ‘the sun kept breaking light / through the glistening gaps of the bare branches/that sent the boy in me one way/ the man the other’. What I love so much about Ray’s poem is that these lines remind me that doing the painful but accepting thing can offer growth. I think that on some quiet level, each act of integrity offers an opportunity to grow, to build self-respect, even if you are the only witness.

Deciding to act in Right Relation has the potential to be addictive. Imagine finally giving back that borrowed book, sending that long overdue text, pruning the rose bush, gathering the courage to say sorry. Choosing kindness over taking out the day on your partner. Imagine the relief when the looming thought no longer hums, distracting in the back of your mind. Like starting to clear out dusty corners of a home, once you start, you might see other areas that need attention. Where else are there cracks, places to heal, hatchets to bury, places to let go? Who else can one be, other than who we’ve been so many times before? What might the world look like with a clear head, and a clean heart?

Hymn (on sheet): ‘We Belong to One Another’

Time for one last hymn, and it’s on your hymn sheets: ‘We Belong to One Another’.

We belong to one another. To each other we are bound

As we build a world together full of joy that we have found.

What we are we owe to others. When they need us, we respond.

We belong to one another and we hold a common bond.

We rely on one another at the dawning of our days

When we learn from those around us how to live in loving ways.

As we grow, we need each other and the gifts that we can share.

As our lives come to their ending, how we need each other’s care.

We give thanks for one another, for each heart and hand and face.

We are grateful for the blessings that infuse our lives with grace.

May we offer our abundance. As we’re given, may we give.

In our thanks for one another, may we help each other live.

Announcements:

Thanks to Jasmine for her reflection. Thanks to Ramona for hosting and Lochlann for co-hosting. Thanks to Abby and Andrew for lovely music, and Benjie for his singing support. Thanks to Sonya for reading. Thanks to John for greeting and Pat and Anna for making coffee. If you are in-person do stay for cake (it’s chocolate beer cake – a classic Delia Smith recipe! – or lemon drizzle – and some pear and ginger left over from Heart and Soul too I think so you have a number of options).  If you’re online stay for a chat with Lochlann if you can.

After you’ve had your tea and cake you can come back into the church to sing with Margaret – her ‘Finding Your Voice’ class is free of charge – and she can help anyone make a better sound.

Tonight we have the Better World Book Club on ‘What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat’ by Aubrey Gordon. Let me know if you are expecting to come and don’t have the link. Next month we’re reading ‘Afropean: Notes from Black Europe’ by Johny Pitts and we have a few copies of that to loan out if you’d like to join. Another good read.

Sonya will be here with her Nia Dance class on Friday lunchtime – have a word with Sonya.

On Friday at 7pm we’ve got our online ‘Heart and Soul’ online contemplative spiritual gathering – this week it’s on the theme of ‘The Gift of Tears’ – email Jane if you want to join.

And next Sunday there’s another new addition to the programme. After the service at 1pm we’ll have our first ‘Each Child a Light’ Quilting Session – it’s a memorial project to honour children killed in Gaza – this is a project that Patricia has been very involved in so she can tell you more. But I don’t think you need any special skills to take part and all materials will be provided.

And looking further ahead there are a couple of events in March to add to your diary. Having failed to get to Rainham Marshes RSPB this week we’re going to have another try for a spring walk on 12^th March. Let me know if you plan to join us. And we’re going to have another labyrinth mini-retreat to mark the spring equinox after the service on Sunday 22^nd March.

Next Sunday we’ll be back here at 11am for a service on our ‘Creative Powers’ – that’s going to be an interactive service with an invitation to speak off-the cuff about things we have created – be that visual art, music, written word, performance, gardens, events, happenings – if you have something suitable for a show-and-tell or want to send me a photo please do. I’m not looking for you to speak at length; it will be more like how we do joys and concerns where people just share for a minute or so about things they’ve created to make the world better or more beautiful. I encourage you to (very briefly) blow your own trumpet. Not that I think we’ve got any trumpeters!

Details of all our various activities are printed on the back of the order of service, for you to take away, and also in the Friday email.  The congregation very much has a life beyond Sunday mornings; we encourage you to keep in touch, look out for each other, and do what you can to nurture supportive connections. Just time for our closing words and closing music now.  

Benediction: based on words by Rebekah Savage

As we end our time together today in spiritual community, may we depart this sacred space:

Knowing that blessings shall follow us all the days of our lives,

If we live in the way of right relationship, and return to it over and over;

If we extend grace and forgiveness to ourselves and others;

If we behold mercy as a spiritual superpower;

If we emanate the Greater Love that holds us close.

May our lives radiate the blessings that we have been given,

May kindness and compassion fall gently from us.

May there be peace in the world, and may it begin again with us. Amen

Closing Music: I Got Rhythm (Gershwin) (performed by Abby Lorimier and Andrew Robinson)

Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall and Jasmine Cooray

22nd February 2026