Wholeheartedness

revjaneblackall
Aug 30
22 min read

Updated: Aug 31

Sunday Service, 31 August 2025

Led by Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall

Musical Prelude: The Lark in the Clear Air - arr. Christopher Ball (performed by Benjie del Rosario and Andrew Robinson)

Opening Words: ‘Love Is the Centre and Foundation’ by Shari Woodbury

I invite you to join in with our responsive opening words today – on your sheet if you’re in the building – and Charlotte will put them in the chat for those who are joining via Zoom.

Again we reground ourselves, here, in our highest values.

Love is the centre and foundation of this faith.

Love is the power that holds us together as a community.

As we enter into worship, then, let us open our hearts

to the healing power of liberating Love.

Because Love is not only something we receive,

but something we practice in community,

let fall away

all that might distract us

from the whole-hearted practice of Love.

Let us be accountable to one another

for doing the work of living our shared values

through the spiritual discipline of Love.

As we continue to listen and learn, to act and grow,

may each unfold in wholeness—

both deeply loving and truly loved.

Words of Welcome and Introduction:

These words from Shari Woodbury welcome all who have gathered this morning for our Sunday service. Welcome to those who have gathered in-person at Essex Church, to all who are joining us via Zoom, and anyone tuning in at a later date via YouTube or the podcast. For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Jane Blackall, and I’m minister with Kensington Unitarians.

Our service today is on the theme of ‘Wholeheartedness’ and we’ll approach it from a number of angles as it’s a topic that can be interpreted in a variety of different ways. I’ve put one quote on the front of the order of service, words from the early psychoanalyst Karen Horney, who spoke of a key goal in life as ‘the striving for wholeheartedness: to be without pretence, to be emotionally sincere, to be able to put the whole of oneself into one's feelings, one's work, one's beliefs.’ Alternatively, we could take a more spiritual angle, from the Benedictine nun Joan Chittister, who said: ‘Living well has something to do with the spirituality of wholeheartedness, of seeing life more as a grace than as a penance, as time to be lived with eager expectation of its goodness, not in dread of its challenges.’

Chalice Lighting: ‘Heart Full or Heart Empty’ by Krista Taves (adapted)

Let’s light our chalice flame now, as we do each week. It’s a moment for us to stop and take a breath, settle ourselves down, put aside any preoccupations we came in carrying. This simple ritual connects us in solidarity with Unitarians and Unitarian Universalists the world over, and reminds us of the proud and historic progressive religious tradition of which this gathering is part.

(light chalice)

Whether you have come here with heart full or heart empty,

with spirits high or low, rested or tired, hopeful or despairing,

Whether you have come here out of habit,

conviction, loneliness, or curiosity,

You belong here because you are here,

and all that you have and all that you are is welcome here.

As we light this chalice let us pledge our hearts

to co-creating this community of caring and goodwill.

Hymn 194 (purple): ‘We Light the Flame’

Our first hymn this morning is number 194 in your purple books: ‘We Light the Flame’. For those on zoom the words will be up on screen for all our hymns. Feel free to stand or sit as you prefer.

We light the flame that kindles our devotions.

We lift our hearts in blessed community.

The mind has thoughts, the heart its true emotions,

we celebrate in worship, full and free.

Our faith transcends the boundaries of oceans.

All shall be granted worth and dignity.

So many ways to witness to the wonder.

So many dreams by day for us to dare.

Yet, reaching out, each way is made the grander,

and love made bold for dreamers everywhere.

Diversity will never cast asunder

our common weal, our bonds of mutual care.

Infinite Spirit, dwell with us, we pray thee,

that we may share in life abundantly.

Forgive our sins, feed us with good bread daily,

with strength resist temptation steadfastly.

O God of life, sustain us now, and may we

with mindful hearts, be thankful constantly.

Candles of Joy and Concern:

Each week when we gather together, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve an opportunity now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle and say a few words about what it represents. We’ll go to the people in the building first, then to Zoom.

So I invite some of you here in person to come and light a candle and then if you wish to tell us who or what you light your candle for – please keep it brief – be considerate of others. I’m going to ask you to come to the lectern to speak, as we want people to be able to hear you.

(in person candles)

And if that’s everyone in the room we’ll go over to the people on Zoom next – you might like to switch to gallery view at this stage – just unmute yourselves when you are ready and speak out – and we should be able to hear you and see you up on the big screen here in the church.

(zoom candles)

And I’m going to light one more candle, as we often do, to represent all those joys and concerns that we hold in our hearts this day, but which we don’t feel able to speak out loud. (light candle)

Time of Prayer & Reflection: based on words by Tamara Lebak

Let’s take those joys and concerns into an extended time of prayer. This prayer is based on some words by Tamara Lebak. You might want to adjust your position for comfort, close your eyes, or soften your gaze. There might be a posture that helps you feel more prayerful. Whatever works for you. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right state of body and mind for us to pray together – to be fully present here and now, in this sacred time and space – with ourselves, with each other, and with that which is both within us and beyond us. (pause)

Spirit of Life, God of All Love, in whom we live and move and have our being,

we turn our full attention to you, the light within and without,

as we tune in to the depths of this life, and the greater wisdom

to which – and through which – we are all intimately connected.

Be with us now as we allow ourselves to drop into the

silence and stillness at the very centre of our being. (pause)

This morning, let us faithfully remember

the blessings of meaning and purpose

that we have received throughout our lives,

and the times of alignment with our calling,

times when the fire of our soul burned brightly.

Those moments of clarity when our direction

felt in line with something greater than ourselves.

When the doors of opportunity were easy to see

and the next step seemed intuitively obvious.

When we could live wholeheartedly, without reservation.

We ask this day to have that clarity of Spirit come forth

into our lives with the power of a mighty wind,

Opening the horizons of our hearts and minds

To that inner fire which burns inside us all.

Grant us enthusiasm for the path that is ours.

May we be inspired this day to sing out praise

of this glorious life in a language beyond

the power of speech, in a language of action,

so that our lives might be a beacon of justice and love,

And the world might know hope through our story, our song, our steps taken.

We ask that our inner fire burn brightly

with compassion and courage and steadfast love

for whatever number of days ahead are still ours to claim.

And in this time of shared stillness let us offer the prayers of our own hearts.

Let us take a few quiet moments now to look inward, to get in touch with what’s real,

what is going on beneath the surface of our lives this morning. Let us notice what we’re carrying.

What troubles us. What questions or uncertainties we are faced with. What hopes we nurture. (pause)

From that place of realness – silently, inwardly, ask for what you most need –

ask God, or cast it out into the Universe – even if you’re the only one

to hear your prayer – name what you need this day. (pause)

And let give thanks for what we already have. Look back on the week

and recall all those moments of kindness, comfort, joy. Silently, inwardly,

take the time to savour those gifts, and take in the good. (pause)

And let us turn outwards now, shifting our attention to the world around us,

starting with those dear ones closest to our heart, stretching ever

outward, all around this planet, holding all beings in love. (pause)

Spirit of Life – God of all Love – as this time of prayer comes to a close, we offer up

our joys and concerns, our hopes and fears, our beauty and brokenness,

and we call on you for insight, healing, and renewal.

As we look forward now to the coming week,

help us to live well each day and be our best selves;

using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen.

Hymn 70 (purple): ‘I Wish I Knew How’

Let’s sing again – our second hymn is number 70 in the purple books – ‘I Wish I Knew How’.

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free.

I wish I could break all these chains holding me.

I wish I could say all the things I could say,

say 'em loud, say 'em clear for the whole world to hear.

Say 'em loud say 'em clear for the whole world to hear.

I wish I could share all the love in my heart,

remove all the bars that still keep us apart.

I wish you could know what it means to be me,

then you'd see and agree everyone should be free.

Then you'd see and agree everyone should be free.

I wish I could give all I'm longing to give.

I wish I could live like I'm longing to live.

I wish I could do all the things I can do,

though I'm way overdue I'd be starting anew.

Though I'm way overdue I'd be starting anew.

I wish I could be like a bird in the sky.

How sweet it would be if I found I could fly

I'd soar to the sun and look down at the sea,

then I'd sing 'cause I'd know how it feels to be free.

Then I'd sing 'cause I'd know how it feels to be free.

In-Person Reading: ‘Living from the Inside Out’ by Parker J. Palmer (excerpts) (read by Antony)

This piece by Parker J. Palmer is an excerpt from a commencement address he gave at Naropa University in 2015 in which he spoke on the pillars of a wholehearted life. He said:

Be reckless when it comes to affairs of the heart. What I really mean… is be passionate, fall madly in love with life. Be passionate about some part of the natural and/or human worlds and take risks on its behalf, no matter how vulnerable they make you. No one ever died saying, “I’m sure glad for the self-centred, self-serving and self-protective life I lived.”

Offer yourself to the world — your energies, your gifts, your visions, your heart — with open-hearted generosity. But understand that when you live that way you will soon learn how little you know and how easy it is to fail. To grow in love and service, you — I, all of us — must value ignorance as much as knowledge and failure as much as success… Clinging to what you already know and do well is the path to an unlived life. So, cultivate beginner’s mind, walk straight into your not-knowing, and take the risk of failing and falling again and again, then getting up again and again to learn — that’s the path to a life lived large, in service of love, truth, and justice.

As you integrate ignorance and failure into your knowledge and success, do the same with all the alien parts of yourself. Take everything that’s bright and beautiful in you and introduce it to the shadow side of yourself. Let your altruism meet your egotism, let your generosity meet your greed, let your joy meet your grief. Everyone has a shadow… But when you are able to say, “I am all of the above, my shadow as well as my light,” the shadow’s power is put in service of the good. Wholeness is the goal, but wholeness does not mean perfection, it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of your life. As a person who … has made three deep dives into depression along the way, I do not speak lightly of this. I simply know that it is true. As you acknowledge and embrace all that you are, you give yourself a gift that will benefit the rest of us as well.

Take on big jobs worth doing — jobs like the spread of love, peace, and justice. Our heroes take on impossible jobs and stay with them for the long haul because they live by a standard that trumps effectiveness. The name of that standard, I think, is faithfulness — faithfulness to your gifts, faithfulness to your perception of the needs of the world, and faithfulness to offering your gifts to whatever needs are within your reach. You won’t get the big jobs done in your lifetime, but if at the end of the day you can say, “I was faithful,” I think you’ll be okay.

He concludes with a quote from Diane Ackerman which reminds us to truly live our lives, wholeheartedly, and to the full: ‘The great affair – the love affair with life – is to live as variously as possible. To groom one’s curiosity like a high-spirited thoroughbred – climb aboard and gallop over the thick sun-struck hills every day. Where there is no risk, the emotional terrain is flat and unyielding, and despite all its dimensions, valleys, pinnacles and detours – life will seem to have none of its magnificent geography – only a length. It begins in mystery and it will end in mystery – but what a savage and beautiful country lies between’.

Words for Meditation: ‘Guidelines’ by Rhina Espaillat

Thanks Antony. We’re moving into a time of meditation now. To take us into stillness I’m going to share a poem by Rhina Espaillat – these words speak to me of living a wholehearted life. You have it printed on your handouts (and they’re also on the website) but I suggest you just let the words wash over you and you can always look the poem up later if you want to take it in at your leisure. The poem will take us into a few minutes of shared silence which will end with the sound of a bell. Then we’ll hear music for meditation. So let’s do what we need to do to get comfortable – maybe adjust your position – put your feet flat on the floor to ground yourself – close your eyes. As we always say, the words are just an offering, so feel free to use this time to meditate in your own way.

‘Guidelines’ by Rhina Espaillat

Here’s what you need to do, since time began:

find something—diamond-rare or carbon-cheap,

it’s all the same—and love it all you can.

It should be something close—a field, a man,

a line of verse, a mouth, a child asleep—

that feels like the world’s heart since time began.

Don’t measure much or lay things out or scan;

don’t save yourself for later, you won’t keep;

spend yourself now on loving all you can.

It’s going to hurt. That was the risk you ran

with your first breath; you knew the price was steep,

that loss is what there is, since time began

subtracting from your balance. That’s the plan,

too late to quibble now, you’re in too deep.

Just love what you still have, while you still can.

Don’t count on schemes, it’s far too short a span

from the first sowing till they come to reap.

One way alone to count, since time began:

love something, love it hard, now, while you can.

Period of Silence and Stillness (~3 minutes) – end with a bell

Interlude: Aria from Suite for Orchestra in D major. - J.S. Bach (performed by Benjie del Rosario and Andrew Robinson)

Online Reading: ‘Are You Living with Your Whole Heart?’ by Brené Brown (excerpts) (read by Charlotte)

I define "wholehearted living" as engaging in life from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.

A critical component of wholeheartedness is self-compassion. I confess that I did an internal eye-roll the first time I heard that term. What does "self-compassion" even mean? Now I get it. When I make a mistake or find myself in that What was I thinking? shame storm, I talk to myself like I'd talk to someone I love. That meant giving up I'm such an idiot! and trying It's OK. You're human. We make mistakes. Sometimes it still feels strange, but self-compassion is so important. Why would we talk to ourselves in a way in which we'd never consider talking to someone we care about and respect?

Wholehearted people choose rest and play over the cultural messages that exhaustion is a status symbol and our self-worth is measured by productivity. They talk about slowing down, scheduling, and protecting blank space on their calendars, and having agenda-free fun. They talked about rest and play as non-negotiable for their physical as well as emotional well-being.

Most of us may stay really busy so the truth of our lives doesn't catch up with us. We're tired. We feel scared and uncertain. And we worry that slowing down will reveal blank space that is unfamiliar to us, when, in fact, it's from that very place that we get to own the love and joy in our lives.

Living wholeheartedly takes courage. It means beginning that long walk from What will people think? to I am enough. This walk takes a special kind of daring—the courage that's about showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and living and loving with our whole hearts.

Mini-Reflection: by Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall

So, what does it mean, to be wholehearted? That is our question this morning. And also, why might we want to be wholehearted, and what might get in the way? I’ve found that there are a number of different approaches to these questions. When I was pondering wholeheartedness I found that various linked phrases came to mind – if we’re not wholehearted we might be ‘half-hearted’ – or we might say ‘our heart’s not in it’ – these phrases suggest times in life when we’re just going through the motions, we don’t really care about what we’re doing, we’re not putting our whole self into it.

Which in turn made me think of the hokey cokey! You put your whole self in (but maybe then you take your whole self out – and possibly you shake it all about too…) Wholeheartedness is about putting your whole self in to whatever endeavour you’re engaged in. And another phrase I hear a lot these days is going ‘all in’ (I think that’s a metaphor from playing poker, betting all your chips on something, fully committing).

In our first reading today, in his commencement address, Parker J. Palmer advised us that the first pillar of a wholehearted life is to ‘be passionate, fall madly in love with life. Be passionate about some part of the natural and/or human worlds and take risks on its behalf, no matter how vulnerable they make you.’ And that was echoed in our poem for meditation by Rhina Espaillat, with its closing lines: ‘One way alone to count, since time began: love something, love it hard, now, while you can.’

Parker J. Palmer goes on to talk about the importance of offering yourself and your gifts to the world with generosity – living your fullest life for the sake of the common good – and not holding back. Even reaching to do what seems almost impossible for you. And this springs from the previous point – falling in love with life in general – or maybe with someone or something in particular – a community, a cause – this is what will give you the motivation, the desire to give away, to spend, your time and energy and life force. In this light, wholeheartedness seems to be connected with meaning and purpose, with claiming your own unique calling in the community of all living beings, and going for it.

This made me think of a quote that our own Sarah Tinker used to share it quite often, it’s some famous words by George Bernard Shaw, there’s a hint of tough-love about them but there’s something in the message that’s stayed with me. He said: ‘This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.’

I wonder how these famous words from George Bernard Shaw land with you? For me, on a good day, they land as a bracing challenge, an encouragement to live at my best, and contribute to the greater good. On a bad day, they land as a chastisement, and a discouragement; I tetchily think ‘yes, George, I probably am just a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances, leave me alone!’ It’s worth acknowledging that, being human, we probably can’t expect to maintain 100% wholeheartedness, 100% of the time. And what it means to be wholehearted will look & feel different in different seasons of life.

On this tack, I found some wisdom from the poet Mark Nepo – he has a very particular spiritual take on this – he speaks of being wholehearted as being present to our lives so that we become an open conduit to experience everything that’s larger than our finite self. But importantly, he says: ‘I'm committed to being wholehearted, but there are days I'm half-hearted because I'm in pain, or I'm confused, or I'm afraid, or I simply forgot… Each person is born with an unfathomable gift. Our call is to find it and care for it. And while working with our gift can create many wonderful things, the purpose of the gift is to exercise the heart into inhabiting its aliveness… Being human, we drift in and out of knowing our aliveness. Pain, worry, fear, and loss can muffle and confuse us. Re-finding our gift and working it will exercise the heart to bring us back alive. It doesn't matter if we play our gift well or awkwardly, if we're skilful or clumsy, if we make great strides or fail. For aliveness is not a judge in a talent show... That we sometimes accomplish great things is inspiring, but feeling thoroughly alive is essential… So brave your way on. You are a blessing waiting to be discovered by yourself.’

Words from Mark Nepo. This also put me in mind of some wisdom I’d internalised from one of my first spiritual teachers, the writer Charlotte Kasl, who wrote a lovely little book called ‘Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life’. And in this list of 101 recommendations there are two that particularly stuck with me: Number 48 is ‘If it’s Worth Doing, It’s Worth Doing Badly’. And Number 49 is ‘If It’s Worth Doing, It’s Worth Doing Well.’ The spiritual life is all about paradox, right? And I think this gets to something significant about what it is to be wholehearted. Kasl says: ‘Many people block themselves from undertaking new endeavours… because they are afraid of being clumsy and mediocre. I suggest that being clumsy and mediocre can be wonderful compared with burying one’s dreams and shrinking one’s life… it can bring tremendous pleasure if we stop judging ourselves and just enjoy.’ But at the same time, she says this: ‘while there are times to be happy with a mediocre job, there is something wonderful about staying with a project until it is absolutely the best you can do… it’s a form of bliss – you feel alive, connected, at one with the muses… when we stretch our mind, expand our capacity, we start to believe that anything is possible.’

Words from Charlotte Kasl. It seems important to be aware of all these things that get in the way of being wholehearted – fear of failure, of embarrassment, of judgement or scorn from others (or indeed ourselves, for those of us who have a harsh inner critic). If we are going to do anything that might make us stand out from the crowd then we might come up against social conformity and other forms of peer pressure. But as we heard in the last reading from Brené Brown: ‘Living wholeheartedly takes courage. It means beginning that long walk from What will people think? to I am enough. This walk takes a special kind of daring—the courage that's about showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and living and loving with our whole hearts.’

Brené Brown has made available what she calls ‘Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living’, which are on your hymn sheet if you’re in church, and we’ll show briefly on screen (there’s a link to a nice downloadable poster of the guideposts on our website). These guideposts suggest ten things to let go of and ten things to cultivate – perhaps most importantly letting go of ‘what people think’ and cultivating ‘authenticity’ – letting go of ‘comparison’ and cultivating ‘creativity’ – letting go of ‘being cool’ and cultivating ‘laughter, song, and dance’. Easier said than done of course, but good reminders.

As we draw to a close I want to encourage you to pursue this path of wholeheartedness – to live a life without pretence, authentic and sincere – to put your whole self in. As Joan Chittister said, ‘to see life more as a grace than a penance’, and fall in love with it. To stop worrying too much about what others think, and overcome what holds us back. To live to the full, and pursue purpose and meaning, for the sake of the common good – as we often say – using your unique gifts in the service of love, justice, and peace.

So in that spirit I invite you to join in with this responsive reading – it’s on your hymn sheet if you’re in the building – if you’re online Charlotte is going to put the simple response in the chat. It’s a Litany of Wholeheartedness by UU minister Dawn Cooley and the response is: ‘we let go of who we ought to be and embrace who we are’.

Responsive Reading: ‘A Litany of Wholeheartedness’ by Dawn Skjei Cooley

Because there have been times when shame has crushed our ability to be wholehearted