Kindness – 18/09/22

Opening Music: ‘Bethena’ by Scott Joplin performed by Sandra Smith

Opening Words: ‘It is Good to be Together’ by Rev. Linda Hart (adapted)

We enter into this time and this space
to join our hearts and minds together.

What is it that we come here seeking?
Many things, too many to mention them all.

Yet, it is likely that some common longings draw us to be with one another:
To remember what is most important in life.
To be challenged to live more truly, more deeply,
to live with integrity and kindness and with hope and love,
To feel the company of those who seek a common path,
To be renewed in our faith in the promise of this life,
To be strengthened and to find the courage to continue to do
what we must do, day after day, world without end.

Even if your longings are different than these, you are welcome here.
You are welcome in your grief and your joy
to be within this circle of companions.

We gather here. It is good to be together. (pause)

These opening words by Linda Hart welcome all those who have gathered on Zoom this morning to take part in our Sunday service. Welcome to regular members of the congregation, to any friends and visitors who are with us today, and also those who might be listening to our podcast, or watching on YouTube, at a later date. For those who don’t know me, my name is Jane Blackall, I’m Ministry Coordinator with Kensington Unitarians.

If you are joining us for the first time today – welcome! we’re glad to you have you with us – I hope you find something of what you need in our gathering this morning. Please do hang around afterwards for a chat or drop us an email to say hello and introduce yourself if you’d like. Or you might try coming to one of our various small-group gatherings to get to know us better. And if you’re a regular here – thank you for all that you do to welcome all who come each Sunday. Even on Zoom, we have a part to play in co-creating this sacred space, this sense of community.

As we always say, feel free to do what you need to do to be comfortable this hour – it’s always lovely to see your faces in the gallery and get a sense of our togetherness as a congregation – but we know for some it will feel more comfortable to keep your camera mostly-off and that’s fine. Similarly there’ll be opportunities to join in as we go along but there’s no compulsion to do so.

This morning’ service is a change to the advertised programme – due to travel disruption related to the Queen’s funeral we decided to move online – and to postpone the Harvest Festival for a few weeks. Instead today we’re having another ‘Sharing Service’ – we’ll have all the usual music, hymns, prayers, and readings – but instead of a sermon we’ll have an open space of about ten to fifteen minutes where anyone who’d like to share their short reflections on today’s theme can do so. And the theme we’re exploring today is ‘Kindness’. We’ll reflect on the kindnesses we have experienced, the kindnesses we have done for others (and for ourselves too), and the kindnesses we still yearn for, that we feel the lack of, in a world that can sometimes seem indifferent at best.

Chalice Lighting: ‘The Chalice is a Symbol’ by Debra Faulk (adapted)

Before we go any further though, I’ll light our chalice, as we always do whenever we gather. This simple ritual connects us with Unitarians and Unitarian Universalists the world over, and reminds us of the proudly progressive religious tradition of which this gathering is part.

A chalice lit in our midst is a symbol of our progressive and liberating faith.

A faith built on the foundation of freedom, reason and tolerance;
A faith sustained by acts of kindness and justice;
A faith that visions a world flourishing with equality for all her people;
A faith that demands the living out of goodness;
A faith that requires thoughtfulness;
A faith of wholeness.

This tiny flame is the symbol of the spark of all this within each of us.

Candles of Joy and Concern:

Each week when we gather together, whether it’s in person at the church in Kensington or here as an online congregation, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve got a good few minutes now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle (real or imaginary) and say a few words about what it represents.

When you’re ready to speak, unmute your microphone so we can all hear you, and then re-mute yourself once you’ve finished. If you are going to speak, please be aware of how long you’re speaking for, so that there’s time for others to say something too. Let’s leave a pause between one candle and the next, so we can honour what’s been shared. And don’t worry too much if two people end up speaking at the same time, or there’s a technical hitch of some sort – these things happen on Zoom – please do persevere! At this point it’d be nice, if you can, to switch to gallery view so we can all see everybody.

(candles – thank each person)

I’ve got one more candle here and – as we often do – I’m going to light that to represent all those joys and concerns that we might be holding silently in our heart today, those stories which we don’t feel able to share out loud this morning. Let’s take a moment now to think of all those joys and concerns we have heard expressed… all those little windows into our shared human condition and the life of the world we share… and let’s hold them – and each other – in a spirit of loving-kindness for a moment or two. And let’s take those joys and concerns into an extended time of prayer now.

Prayer: based on words by Alex Jensen

You might first want to adjust your position for comfort, close your eyes, or soften your gaze. There might be a posture that helps you feel more prayerful. Whatever works for you. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right state of body and mind for us to pray together – to be fully present here and now, in this sacred time and space – with ourselves, with each other, and with that which is both within us and beyond us. (pause)

Spirit of Life, God of All Love, in whom we live and move and have our being,
we turn our full attention to you, the light within and without,
as we tune in to the depths of this life, and the greater wisdom
to which – and through which – we are all intimately connected.
Be with us now as we allow ourselves to drop into the
silence and stillness at the very centre of our being. (pause)

Your world become, your will be done here, on Earth,
inspiring our aspirations to do and be better.

May we have all that we need to survive, live, and thrive.

Remind us to be gentle; may we love mercy and kindness,
recalling the times when we’ve fallen short ourselves.

Call us also to be firm in our resolve to serve the Good;
may we not be tempted to follow selfish motivations
or reside in narrow privileges, unexamined and uninterrogated;
move us to counter and overcome injustice in ourselves, our lives, our institutions.

For yours is the Beloved Community, the fire of commitment in our hearts,
and the spirit of generosity and abundance, now and always. (pause)

In our company this morning, and every time we gather in community, there will be
those whose hearts are freshly broken open by all the world’s sufferings:
by loss and grief, rejection and loneliness, disappointment and meaninglessness,
by all the injustices of this world that we witness with growing anguish and frustration…
Let us spend a moment directing prayers of loving-kindness for those who suffer this day. (pause)

In our company this morning, and every time we gather in community,
there will be those whose hearts are full and overflowing, despite everything:
buoyed by the beauty of nature and culture, comforted and uplifted by family and friends.
Let us spend a moment directing prayers of gratitude for all that is still good in our lives. (pause)

In our company this morning, and every time we gather in community,
there will be those who are simply keeping on keeping on as best they can:
their hearts a blessed, messy, blend of all life’s mixed emotions, in the midst of it all.
Let us spend a moment asking for what we need this day to face life’s many ups & downs. (pause)

Spirit of Life – God of all Love – as this time of prayer comes to a close,
we offer up our joys and concerns, our hopes and fears,
our beauty and brokenness, and call on you for insight, healing, and renewal.

As we look forward now to the coming week,
help us to live well each day and be our best selves;
using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen

Hymn: ‘May I Be Filled with Loving Kindness’ sung by Kensington Unitarians

Time to sing. Our first hymn is a simple one, based on a Buddhist prayer, ‘May I Be Filled with Loving Kindness’. It’s a recording of the congregation singing from a few years ago so please excuse the coughing and rustling. It’s a short and simple hymn, and I thought we could sing it through twice, so you’ve got a chance to take it in. The words will appear on screen so that you can sing along – or you might prefer to listen – we’ll make sure you’re kept muted so nobody will hear you.

May I be filled with loving kindness. May I be well.
May I be filled with loving kindness. May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be whole.

May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well.
May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be well.
May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be whole.

May we be filled with loving kindness. May we be well.
May we be filled with loving kindness. May we be well.
May we be peaceful and at ease. May we be whole.

Pre-Recorded Reading: ‘Love’s Pronoun Is Plural’ by Elea Kemler (read by Antony)

This piece by UU minister Elea Kemler opens with a quote from her colleague Kathleen McTigue: “Fear’s pronoun is singular: I’ve got to watch out for me and mine. Love’s pronoun is plural: we’re in this together, and together we can grow things that will blossom even in a time of drought.”

Elea Kemler continues: My son, Caleb, and I went to Starbucks on a recent Saturday morning. We often do this as a prelude to the weekly grocery shopping. It sweetens the deal, which is important, as he is about to be 14 and on the autism spectrum. Both of these factors contribute to his resistance to what in the autism world we call “non-preferred activities.” Caleb is really tall for his age, 6’4” and still growing. This is a factor because he is big and often gets in people’s way without realizing. He is also a sweet, sensitive kid, which is not a factor, except that I am his mother.

Caleb was standing by the counter waiting for his decaf Frappuccino and blocking the path of a young dad trying to herd three small children. The dad said to Caleb, “Could you get your head out of the clouds and get out of the way.” It was not horrible, just frustrated and a little unkind, something a person says when they think other people’s kids are being rude. Something a person says when they haven’t learned there are disabilities you can’t immediately see.

Fortunately, Caleb remained oblivious but I walked over to the dad and said to him quietly, “He’s on the autism spectrum. He doesn’t know where his body is in space or when he’s in someone’s way.” I did not add, though I wanted to, “You may not realize this yet, but I promise you that someday your children will also need the kindness of strangers.”

Soon it will be Caleb’s decision whether or not to explain himself. But as he gets older and bigger (and bigger), my fear gets bigger too. I fear he will be met with more judgment and less understanding. He is so easily hurt; I fear the meanness. The dad nodded. He did not say anything but I thought maybe he took it in, a little bit.

We ended up sitting at the counter next to another young dad and his daughter. That dad told Caleb in great detail about the Clover coffee machine they now have at Starbucks and how it works and why the coffee it makes is better. They talked about pistons and forced hot water for a long time. “Thank you,” I told him, when Caleb got up to go to the bathroom. “My son is on the spectrum too,” he said. We smiled at each other and I remembered again that we are never alone, even when fear tells us we are. I remembered again that I choose to trust in kindness. I choose to believe that my child will not be alone either.

She concludes with a few words of prayer: God, who holds us all in love: the children and the tired fathers and all who are afraid, let us remember again that love’s pronoun is plural. We are in this together. We will not be left alone.

Meditation: ‘Kindness’ by Naomi Shihab Nye

Thank you Antony We’ve come to a time of meditation. To take us into stillness, I’m going to share a poem which you may be familiar with, ‘Kindness’, by Naomi Shihab Nye. Maybe after you’ve heard the poem you can reflect on the place of kindness in your own life experience – in a few minutes of shared stillness during which we’ll have our virtual chalice on screen. The silence will end with a familiar tune from Sandra. So let’s each do what we need to do to get comfortable – have a wiggle if you need to – or put your feet flat on the floor to ground and steady yourself – maybe close your eyes. And as I always say, these words, images, and music, they’re just an offering, feel free to meditate in your own way. ‘Kindness’ by Naomi Shihab Nye:

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Silence: 3 minutes silence accompanied by chalice video

Musical Interlude: ‘What the World Needs Now’ performed by Sandra Smith

Interactive Activity: ‘Kindness’

We’re coming towards a time in our service now for a few people, if you’d like, to share your own brief reflections on this topic of ‘Kindness’. While preparing for the service, I came across a few quotes on the subject of kindness, and I’d like to share those quotes before we move into sharing on the theme. This is something we do in our ‘Heart & Soul’ gatherings, to help us focus, before offering our own thoughts on a particular topic.

‘Kindness is one of the most undervalued commodities — which is too bad because it doesn’t take much of it to turn the day around. I wonder if we overlook kindness because it’s so simple. What’s really involved? Someone needs something, we help. Someone feels low, we console. Someone trips, we catch them. There’s a need, we respond. The other person is grateful and relieved — and we’re happy knowing we could help. Kindness is a low-effort, high-return exchange.’ — Joan Duncan Oliver

‘Speaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behaviour. To speak kindly you need to be aware constantly that you are speaking to living, breathing, vulnerable human beings. Don’t discount the power of your words.’ — P. M. Forni

‘Kindness is found not just in actions and in words, but also in inaction and silence. We may not often think about that because it’s hard to notice. After all, if someone bites his tongue and doesn’t make a cutting remark, we will never know we could have been hurt but were spared by his kindness. The Sufi rule of speech is a good one — Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? – if we all used kindness as a “speech barrier”, much less negativity would be verbalized.’ — Will Glennon

‘Some people get the idea that living with kindness is a mistake. Kind people always get walked over, they claim, and so they harden their hearts so that nobody can reach them… There are risks in kindness. The most obvious one is being taken advantage of by the selfish and unscrupulous. Yes, that happens, but authentic kindness, tempered with equanimity, will not wither under such exploitation. Our kindness is then a public statement of personal dignity.’ — Christopher Titmuss

‘The true benefit of kindness is being kind. Perhaps more than any other factor, kindness gives meaning and value to our life, raises us above our troubles and our battles, and makes us feel good about ourselves.’ — Piero Ferrucci

You might want to think back over the readings too: the story we heard from Antony of the kind and not-so-kind interactions between strangers and the young man in the coffee shop. Or the well-known poem by Naomi Shahib Nye and the way it weaves kindness with human suffering.

So we’ve got about ten minutes now to share our reflections on the theme – you might want to speak about the kindnesses you have witnessed or been on the receiving end of , the kindnesses you have done for others (or kindnesses you have done for yourself), and the kindnesses you yearn for, those kindnesses that could make such a difference, but which you feel the lack of.

As I say at Heart and Soul – ‘tangents are always welcome’ – don’t worry about following on from what the last person has said or trying to make it all join up logically! I invite you to share from your centre to the centre of the gathering – think of it as an offering – not a discussion or debate – please don’t directly critique what others have shared. If anyone would like to speak please put your hand up and I’ll call on you & spotlight you. I want you to be able to share whatever you’re moved to share and also I’m mindful of time so maybe a couple of minutes each? By default we will leave this bit in the recording so if you join in but don’t want to be included in the video that goes online please have a word with me straight after the service and I’ll edit you out.

(invite people to speak – won’t have time for everyone – may continue after)

If nobody else wants to speak I’ll bring this time to a close now and perhaps I’ll share just one last quote, a few brief words by Harold G. Koenig, who wrote: ‘Kindness is a gentle form of love. When kind to others, we demonstrate the very best of what it means to be human. It takes practice, persistence, patience, and wisdom, and seldom comes without a price. But it has a big payoff. It is truly a full life that kind and caring people live. Kindness nourishes the mind, the body, and the spirit of both the giver and the receiver. It is an opportunity to act in a way that is essentially and ultimately Divine.’ Amen.

Hymn: ‘The World Needs Love’ recorded by Lucy and Laurence Elston-Panter

Our final hymn today is to a familiar tune but – to the best of my knowledge – we haven’t sung these words as a congregation since 2012 as it’s not in any of our hymnbooks. So Lucy and Laurence have very kindly recorded a version for us to sing along with at home. The hymn is called ‘The World Needs Love’ and it speaks of the many ways in which, through our acts of loving-kindness, large and small, we can help to make this world a better place for all.

The world needs love; so many hearts are hurting.
Grace, work through us, help us to spread your peace,
bringing to all – through your forgiving spirit –
freedom from guilt, from bitterness release.
Reconcile us; help us to share your calmness,
’till anger stills and all our conflicts cease.

The world needs hope, a vision for the future,
what life might be, if all would live in you.
Help us to lead – through your transforming spirit –
lives that reflect what you would have us do,
to share our gifts, show forth your loving kindness,
encourage all to find their hope in you.

The world needs faith, a willing dedication
of all we are and all we might yet be.
Help us to serve – through your empowering spirit –
in active faith in our community.
Love for each soul, respecting and upholding,
declares the worth of all humanity.

The world needs joy, a sense of celebration
that human lives have such diversity.
Help us to see – through your dynamic spirit –
each person’s part in life’s vitality.
Sharing our joys, supporting others’ sorrows
make our small world a better place to be.

Announcements:

Quite a few announcements this morning: Thanks to Maria for co-hosting, to Sandra, Lucy and Laurence for our music, and everyone who contributed to our sharing in today’s’ service. We’ll have virtual coffee-time after the service as usual so you can stay and chat if you’d like. If that’s not your thing, as I said at the start, do get in touch via email if you’d like to say hello.

I’m actually going to be on annual leave for two and a half weeks from this afternoon! Thanks to everyone who is ‘minding the shop’ while I’m off duty. Please do support the regular events and encourage those lovely people who are leading services and Heart and Soul and coffee morning.

We have various small group activities during the week for you to meet up. Coffee morning is online at 10.30am Wednesday. There are still spaces left for our Heart and Soul contemplative spiritual gatherings (online Sunday/Friday at 7pm) and this week’s theme is ‘Sacred Places. You can join Charlotte tonight or Rita on Friday (please do email the leaders of those sessions direct).

On Friday the West London GreenSpirit Group will meet in person at Essex Church to mark the autumn equinox with a lunch and reflective gathering. Bring a light lunch and some small food treat to share. There’ll be music, readings, silence, and a time to share your own reflections. Get in touch with Sarah if you’re planning to come. That’s from 1.30 to 3.30 this Friday afternoon (and if you’re feeling energetic you can come early and join Sonya’s Nia class from 12.30-1.30).

Our service next Sunday will be a hybrid gathering – you can come along to the church in-person or join us online as usual – and it’ll be led by Sarah Tinker. If you’re planning to come along in person please do check your emails before setting out on Sundays as there’s always an outside chance that we’ll need to revert to online if the leader or host is unwell. For those of you who are waiting for the new ‘hybrid coffee table’ to be set up – that might be after I get back from holiday.

After the service next week you have not one but two chances to sing! Margaret’s singing class is back, that’s a free class from 12-12.45, and it’ll be happening once a month on the third Sunday. And after that our friend Marilisa is offering ‘Many Voices’, that’s an external event, £12 to join, and it’s an LGBTQIA+ singing group where allies are welcome, that’ll be on from 1.30-3.00pm.

Another thing to draw your attention to is a new online Unitarian event ‘Together in Meditation’ which is taking place every Thursday on Zoom at 7.30 led by Sheena Gabriel, Rob Oulton, Richard Bober, and Lizzie Kingston-Harrison. There will be basic instruction and formal guided practices.
Information about all these events is in the Friday email so you can look up all the details there.

The congregation very much has a life beyond Sunday mornings; we encourage you to keep in touch, look out for each other, and do what you can to nurture supportive connections. All this information is also on the back of the order of service and the details were in the Friday email too.

Benediction: based on words by John C. Morgan

We’ve just got our closing words and music now. So I invite you to select gallery view at this point, if you can, so we can all see each other and get a sense of our gathered community as we close.

Let us bless and keep one another.
Let kindness rule in our hearts
and compassion in our lives,
until we meet again. Amen.

Closing Music: ‘Jubilate’ played by Sandra Smith

Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall

18th September 2022