Other People: The Jury’s Still Out – 20/08/23
Musical Prelude: ‘Melody’- Jean-Xavier Lefèvre (played by Benjie del Rosario and Andrew Robinson)
Opening Words: ‘True Religion’ by Cliff Reed (adapted)
If a religion is true, it sets you free to be your true self;
it nurtures loving-kindness and generosity in your heart;
it humbles you before the Ultimate – and before your neighbour.
If a religion is true, it challenges your conscience and opens your mind;
it makes you responsible for yourself and for your world;
it stirs you to seek the liberation and wellbeing of others.
If a religion is true, it deepens your awareness and nourishes your spirit;
it brings you comfort and strength in times of grief and trial;
it connects you to other people and to the life of the universe.
If a religion is true, it will care less for dogma and doctrine than it will for love;
it will care less for rules and customs than it will for compassion;
it will care less for the gods we make than for the people we are.
As we gather together in community this morning, may ours be a true religion.
Words of Welcome and Introduction:
These opening words – by Cliff Reed – welcome all who have gathered this morning for our Sunday service. Welcome to those of you who have gathered in-person at Essex Church and also to all who are joining us via Zoom from far and wide (I suspect our numbers are slightly depleted today because we are up against the Women’s World Cup final – a gold star to those of you who decided to come to church this morning instead). Whoever you are, however you are, wherever you are, you are welcome here this morning just as you are. For anyone who doesn’t know me, my name is Jane Blackall, and I’m Minister with Kensington Unitarians.
This morning’s service has the intriguing title ‘Other People: The Jury’s Still Out’. I can say it’s intriguing because I didn’t make it up! Our theme today is courtesy of Rev. Cody Coyne, Minister with Cross Street Unitarians in central Manchester, and it’s a response to the well-known saying from Jean-Paul Sartre: “Hell is other people”. Cody will be sharing his thoughts on this via video later on.
But before we go any further let’s take a moment to get settled and centred and ready to worship. This is an hour in which we can catch up with ourselves. Be grounded and present. So just breathe. Be here now, with your whole self, in this beloved community, as we attend to the life of the spirit.
Chalice Lighting: ‘Cherishing Our Differences’ by Cindy Fesgen
Let’s light our chalice flame now, as we do each week. This simple ritual connects us in solidarity with Unitarians and Unitarian Universalists the world over, and reminds us of the proud and historic progressive religious tradition of which we are a part.
(light chalice)
We are all capable
In different ways
With various strengths and talents.
We are all holy
Part of the universe
And the interdependent web.
We light this chalice
Cherishing our differences
And holding each other in sacredness.
Hymn 43 (purple): ‘Gather the Spirit’
Let’s sing together now. Our first hymn is number 43 in the purple hymn book: ‘Gather the Spirit’. For those joining via Zoom the words will be up on your screen to sing along at home. Feel free to stand or sit as you prefer as we sing.
Gather the spirit, harvest the power.
Our separate fires will kindle one flame.
Witness the mystery of this hour.
Our trials in this light appear all the same.
Gather in peace, gather in thanks.
Gather in sympathy now and then.
Gather in hope, compassion and strength.
Gather to celebrate once again.
Gather the spirit of heart and mind.
Seeds for the sowing are laid in store.
Nurtured in love and conscience refined,
with body and spirit united once more.
Gather in peace, gather in thanks.
Gather in sympathy now and then.
Gather in hope, compassion and strength.
Gather to celebrate once again.
Gather the spirit growing in all,
drawn by the moon and fed by the sun.
Winter to spring, and summer to fall,
the chorus of life resounding as one.
Gather in peace, gather in thanks.
Gather in sympathy now and then.
Gather in hope, compassion and strength.
Gather to celebrate once again.
Candles of Joy and Concern:
Each week when we gather together, we share a simple ritual of candles of joy and concern, an opportunity to light a candle and share something that is in our heart with the community. So we’ve an opportunity now, for anyone who would like to do so, to light a candle and say a few words about what it represents. This time we’re going to go to the people in the building first, and take all of those in one go, and then I’ll call on the people on Zoom to come forward.
So I invite some of you here in person to come and light a candle and then if you wish to tell us briefly who or what you light your candle for. Please do get up close to the microphone as that will help everyone hear (including the people at home). You can take the microphone out of the stand if it’s not at a good height and have it microphone pointing right at your mouth. And if you can’t get to the microphone give me a wave and I’ll bring it over to you. Thank you.
(in person candles)
And if that’s everyone in the room we’ll go over to the people on Zoom next – you might like to switch to gallery view at this stage – just unmute yourselves when you are ready and speak out – and we should be able to hear you and see you up on the big screen here in the church.
(zoom candles)
And I’m going to light one more candle, as we often do, to represent all those joys and concerns that we hold in our hearts this day, but which we don’t feel able to speak out loud. (light candle)
Time of Prayer & Reflection: based on words by Mandie McGlynn
And let’s take those joys and concerns into an extended time of prayer now. This prayer is partly based on some words by Mandie McGlynn. You might first want to adjust your position for comfort, close your eyes, or soften your gaze. There might be a posture that helps you feel more prayerful. Whatever works for you. Do whatever you need to do to get into the right state of body and mind for us to pray together – to be fully present here and now, in this sacred time and space – with ourselves, with each other, and with that which is both within us and beyond us.
Spirit of Life, God of All Love, in whom we live and move and have our being,
we turn our full attention to you, the light within and without,
as we tune in to the depths of this life, and the greater wisdom
to which – and through which – we are all intimately connected.
Be with us now as we allow ourselves to drop into the
silence and stillness at the very centre of our being. (pause)
We know so many stories about You: God. Father-Mother. Universe.
Great Spirit. Ground of Our Being. Lover and Beloved. Source of All.
We know so many stories about ourselves too,
some of them the same stories we tell about others:
Beautiful, Ugly, Simple, Difficult, Smart, Foolish, Useful, Useless.
Stories about who we are, what we know,
and the potentials and impossibilities of our future.
Stories about the purpose and the meaning of our lives.
We have countless stories buried too deep
in our souls for us to even recognize them.
Help us to find the strength to excavate those buried stories.
Let us lean on one another as we brush them off,
hold them up to the light, and find their meaning and use.
Let us uncover the stories which rekindle hope and courage.
In the trees and wind, in the kind words of our neighbours,
in the warmth of the sun and the gentle sound of falling rain,
whisper to us the truest story You know, a truth we can never unhear.
Remind us every day, every moment, that we are beloved. (pause)
In a few moments of shared stillness now, let us call to mind those people and situations who are on our hearts this morning, thinking of all those issues that concern us close to home, and those troubled places the world over, and let us hold them gently in loving-kindness. (pause)
And let us hold ourselves in loving-kindness too. Each of us carries our own private burdens.
Life is tough for so many right now; we are all too aware of life’s struggles and hardships.
So let us rest in self-compassion now as we ask silently for what we need this day. (pause)
And let us take a moment to reflect on the week just gone in a spirit of gratitude; let us notice and give thanks for all those blessings, large or small, that have helped to lift our spirits.
Maybe we can prepare our hearts to receive life’s goodness in the week ahead. (pause)
Spirit of Life – God of all Love – as this time of prayer comes to a close, we offer up
our joys and concerns, our hopes and fears, our beauty and brokenness,
and we call on you for insight, healing, and renewal.
As we look forward now to the coming week,
help us to live well each day and be our best selves;
using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen
Hymn 11 (purple): ‘Blessed Spirit of My Life’
Let’s sing again. Our next hymn is a lovely one, it’s number 11 in the hymnbook, ‘Blessed Spirit of My Life’. The words will be on screen as usual. Feel free to stand or sit as you prefer.
Blessed Spirit of my life,
give me strength through stress and strife;
help me live with dignity;
let me know serenity.
Fill me with a vision;
clear my mind of fear and confusion.
When my thoughts flow restlessly,
let peace find a home in me.
Spirit of great mystery,
hear the still, small voice in me.
Help me live my wordless creed
as I comfort those in need.
Fill me with compassion,
be the source of my intuition.
Then when life is done for me,
let love be my legacy.
VIDEO Story: ‘The Painter’ by Cody Coyne
Have you heard of writer’s block? When the words just won’t come. When you perhaps have an assignment, or maybe some fiction that you want to write, or let’s say a sermon, and the words just won’t come. Well, this is a story about a painter. And so, she doesn’t have writer’s block, she has painter’s block. She paints up in her attic, she has a beautiful window to let the light come through, but she just has no idea what to paint.
She has an easel, she has her paper, and she just stares at it, she has no idea. She tries different things to break the block, she tries meditating, she tries drinking cups of tea, she goes for walks, she tries doodling, all sorts of things that she knows that people do that help them to be able to paint… but it doesn’t work! Not for her, at least. Nothing works at all that day. And she’s a bit upset by this. But, in the afternoon her niece comes to visit, and she loves visits from her niece, because she comes in and she’s so excited to see her auntie, and they just talk, they have great conversation about school and classes and all the sorts of hobbies and crafts that go on, and… they eat some candies together. She’ll take a candy, and her niece will take a candy, and they do that a little bit, they share these wonderful sweets, and they have a good time. So, that’s one day.
The next day, it’s the same thing, she wakes up, looks at the blank paper… nothing. Nothing comes to mind. She tries meditating, drinking cups of tea, she goes for walks, she doodles… nothing comes. No idea what to paint. She just stares at the easel. She’s a bit upset, just like the day before, and, just like the day before her niece comes and lifts her spirits. She feels grateful and joyous when her niece comes by, because they get to chat, they get to see each other, learn about each other’s days, and they get to share their sweeties, a couple for the auntie and a couple for the niece. But the niece is quite clever, and she’s gathering that the auntie is upset, but won’t talk about it, so she goes home, and she asks her mum for help. Auntie seems to be sad, and I want to find a way to make her happy. Not knowing, of course, that the aunt couldn’t think what to paint.
Again, the next day comes, and it’s the same thing. The blank sheet of paper, the teas, the walks, the doodles, the meditating – nothing works. The aunt is very sad by this point and the niece comes. The niece is very excited, and you think this will uplift the aunt’s spirit right away, and it does, because the niece says ‘I have a gift for you: I have made an art!’ And she has taken all of the sweetie wrappers, and with her mother’s help, has encapsulated them in plastic and made this beautiful little bit of artwork for her aunt. Her auntie loves it, and thanks her, and takes it up to the attic where her art studio is, and she puts it on the window, and they have their lovely conversation, they share some more sweeties, they have good chats, and then the niece goes home for the day, and the aunt goes to sleep.
The next morning, she’s very worried, because she’s had several days without any inspiration, she walks up the steps to see if she can have some idea of what to paint. And when she gets there, the sun is shining through the window, and shining through the artwork, onto the painting. And she can suddenly see what she wants to paint.
Meditation: ‘People Need People’ by Benjamin Zephaniah
We’re moving into a time of meditation now. I’m going to share a poem by Benjamin Zephanaiah – ‘People Need People’ – I just came across this online and was charmed by it – but was delighted to find it’s been published as a picture book too so I’ll leave that around in case you’d like to have a look after the service. The words will take us into about three minutes of silence which will end with the sound of a bell. Then we’ll hear some lovely music from Benjie and Andrew to continue the meditative mood. So let’s each do what we need to do to get comfortable – adjust your position if you need to – put your feet flat on the floor to ground yourself – close your eyes. As we always say, the words and music are an offering, feel free to use this time to meditate in your own way.
People need people,
To walk to
To talk to
To cry and rely on,
People will always need people.
To love and to miss
To hug and to kiss,
It’s useful to have other people.
To whom to moan
If you’re all alone,
It’s so hard to share
When no one is there.
There’s not much to do
When there’s no one but you.
People will always need people.
To please
To tease
To put you at ease,
People will always need people.
To make life appealing
And give life some meaning,
It’s useful to have other people.
It you need a change
To whom will you turn.
If you need a lesson
From whom will you learn.
If you need to play
You’ll know why I say
People will always need people.
As girlfriends
As boyfriends
From Bombay
To Ostend,
People will always need people –
To have friendly fights with
And share tasty bites with,
It’s useful to have other people.
People live in families
Gangs, posses and packs,
Its seems we need company
Before we relax,
So stop making enemies
And let’s face the facts,
People will always need people,
Yes
People will always need people.
Period of Silence and Stillness (~3 minutes) – end with a bell
Musical Interlude: ‘The Shadow of Your Smile’- Johnny Mandell (played by Benjie and Andrew)
In-Person Reading: from ‘Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference’ by Audre Lorde (read by Patricia)
It is a lifetime pursuit for each one of us to extract these distortions [racism, ageism, heterosexism, elitism, classism] from our living at the same time as we recognise, reclaim and define those differences upon which they are imposed. For we have all been raised in a society where those distortions were endemic within our living. Too often, we pour the energy needed for recognising and exploring difference into pretending those differences are insurmountable barriers, or that they do not exist at all. This results in a voluntary isolation, or false and treacherous connections. Either way, we do not develop tools for using human difference as a springboard for creative change within our lives. We speak not of human difference, but of human deviance.
Institutionalised rejection of difference is an absolute necessity in a profit economy which needs outsiders as surplus people. As members of such an economy, we have all been programmed to respond to the human differences between us with fear and loathing and to handle that difference in one of three ways: ignore it, and if that is not possible, copy it if we think it is dominant, or destroy it if we think it is subordinate. But we have no patterns for relating across our human differences as equals. As a result, those differences have been misnamed and misused in the service of separation and confusion.
Sermon: ‘Other People: The Jury is Still Out’ by Cody Coyne
“Hell is other people.”
Who is familiar with this expression? And what does it mean for you?
You ever have those days when you just crave solitude? When you want to be alone? And how do you feel when you can’t get that? When the whole world seems to be imposing on you, pressing up against your precious time? It can be frustrating, right? We see this every morning we drive Thomas to school – impatient cars, filled with angry people wildly gesticulating “get out of my way! Can’t you see I’m in a hurry?” (and I promise that is not us) This is how most people understand the expression “Hell is other people” – I think road rage is probably the most apt metaphor – “get out of my way!”
The expression comes from French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre. It occurs in his play “No Exit” which brings together three people in hell, but hell in this case is a single hotel room. They can’t leave (hence the title) and the play explores the relationships as they unfold in this environment.
Despite the widespread use of the phrase, Sartre actually meant something different by it. His meaning was that in our relationships with other people, their existence serves as a certain judgement in our minds. Knowing that they are there, and are able to judge us, we subsequently judge ourselves. One way it is described is that they provide the measurements – the tools – by which we judge ourselves. Thus, knowing there is someone else who can watch us, serves to bring us into our own hell. “Hell is other people” Not the frustration of their presence, but the self-awareness they bring out in us.
This of course does not negate that acquired meaning – Sartre and the cynic can both be right. We need alone time, and at those points encounters with other people might feel like hell. Let’s consider this an occasional interpretation. But in this case the long-standing perennial view belongs to the author, that we fashion our own hell by thinking that we are being judged by other people, and consequently we judge ourselves.
Seven years before Sartre penned No Exit, a German theologian was grappling with the question of relationship. I think he drew similar conclusions in a way. Martin Buber’s seminal work “I and Thou” was published in 1937, and its dense, mystic prose presents relationships as simple in their complexity. We have the capacity to view other people in two ways – as an “it” an object, partial, for use by us, bounded by its qualities; or as a “thou” – full and whole, self-actualising, filled with multitudes. The “It” is limited, the “thou” limitless; the “it” is temporal, the “thou” is eternal; the “it” is objectified; the “thou” transcends classification.
But more importantly than simply stating how we view others, Buber reveals that our perception of others naturally shades our perception of ourselves. “Through a Thou, a person becomes I”
The way I read this is that when we accept and recognise the fullness of the person across the table from us – when we see them as holy, and with multitudes, and beyond any of the earthly constraints that hold them – when we see their soul, in effect – then we are transformed. We recognise our holiness, our multitudes, we become boundless, and our soul is recognised. “Through a Thou, a person becomes I.” When I see you – truly see you – I become whole. I see myself as holy and sacred. Buber perhaps could have said “Heaven is other people.” When we encounter another person, and do not judge them, then perhaps we stop judging ourselves.
Not an easy task, mind you. If there is something more challenging than reading Buber, it is living up to this view. We so easily fail to see the person in front of us. We see their gender, their race, the economic disposition; we see their age. We see them as stereotypes, as different – as unattainably different.
Decades after Buber and Sartre explored this coin by its two different sides, Audre Lorde was calling for a recognition of difference. But not in a way that would produce hell; rather her work in the liberation movements of the 1970s was to create better coalitions for building heaven on earth. She sought to give a voice to the marginalised of the marginalised. The world she was seeing renewed efforts to advance civil rights, women’s rights, and gay rights. And as a Black Lesbian, she was uniquely poised to witness the exclusion inherent in each movement. She saw each acting in its own silo.
Her talks and essays are filled with a prescient understanding of the need to recognise difference. Her perhaps most famous phrase: “The master’s tools will not dismantle the master’s house” was a call for White feminists to recognise that their racial bias aided the patriarchy. We may now refer to this as “intersectionality” – the recognition that oppression is meted out differently depending on differing identities that people hold. But she was talking about this decades before the term was coined.
Our reading looked at a talk she gave on differences within the Feminist movement of her day. Our society presents three ways of dealing with difference: firstly ignore it. “I don’t see colour” some say. There, racism solved. That may sound glib, but how often do we try to just gloss over challenging conversations?
If you can’t ignore it, then you have a choice: if you are marginalised you can copy the difference, try to emulate it and fit in. Be the good person, the “tribute” to your race, gender, or age. Or if you are the dominant party, you may want to destroy the difference. Preserve the status quo.
In each of these instances, of course, people’s inherent being is denied, they are limited. Buber would say we created an I-It relationship.
It may feel strange discussing this in our chapel. We celebrate difference, here people can be fully themselves. I’m sure all of our relationships are as full and meaningful as the I-Thou.
Are they, though? I know my interactions can be less-than-full at times, and I hope with reflection and effort I can better tend to our communities needs, and hear the person speaking to me.
Lorde argues that difference can be recognised without tearing coalitions apart. It takes patience and strength. The ability to listen, fully and honestly, to subject oneself to scrutiny. To trust the person describing their experience. Like Buber, beautiful words but a tall order.
To fail to do this, however, limits the strength and power of marginalised groups; essentially doing the work of the oppressor for them. So it is all the more important that our chapel explores and works towards being ever-more supportive of the oppressed, a place for all marginalised to speak.
I suppose the jury is still out whether “Hell is other people” – that we can remain judgemental, with the added sorrow of judging ourselves. Or perhaps the jury will return proclaiming people to be capable of “I-Thou” relationships, honouring the Divine in one another. In any event, if we are to create this just and beautiful world, we will have to do it with many hands. Many different hands. That can be a challenge, holding the hand of a stranger, but it can also be a blessing. May it be so.
Hymn 70 (purple): ‘I Wish I Knew How’
Time for our last hymn, this is a great song, number 70 in the purple book: ‘I Wish I Knew How’.
I wish I knew how it would feel to be free.
I wish I could break all these chains holding me.
I wish I could say all the things I could say,
say ’em loud, say ’em clear for the whole world to hear.
Say ’em loud say ’em clear for the whole world to hear.
I wish I could share all the love in my heart,
remove all the bars that still keep us apart.
I wish you could know what it means to be me,
then you’d see and agree everyone should be free.
Then you’d see and agree everyone should be free.
I wish I could give all I’m longing to give.
I wish I could live like I’m longing to live.
I wish I could do all the things I can do,
though I’m way overdue I’d be starting anew.
Though I’m way overdue I’d be starting anew.
I wish I could be like a bird in the sky.
How sweet it would be if I found I could fly
I’d soar to the sun and look down at the sea,
then I’d sing ’cause I’d know how it feels to be free.
Then I’d sing ’cause I’d know how it feels to be free.
Announcements:
Thanks to Cody for being our guest preacher today. Thanks to Jeannene for tech-hosting. Thanks to Patricia for reading. Thanks to Benjie and Andrew for lovely music. Thanks Liz for greeting and Marianne for doing the coffee. For those of you who are here in-person, please do hang around for a cuppa and a chat and some coffee and walnut cake after the service – it’s served in the hall next door. If you’re joining us online I encourage you to hang on after the service for a chat with Maria.
I want to give a particular shout out to Maria, our co-host, today – Maria has now moved house to somewhere that she’s got another Unitarian church right on her doorstep – so she’s stepping down as from the volunteer team and our board of trustees at Essex Church in order to join her local church in Brighton – many thanks to Maria for all you’ve done for us and all the best for the future – I hope we’ll still get to see you from time to time when we have our occasional online retreats.
After the service today at noon, if you’re here in person, why not hang around and sing some more! Margaret holds her ‘Finding Your Voice’ singing classes after the service once a month, now it’s on the third Sunday, have your tea and cake and then come back in here. Even if you think you can’t sing she will be able to work some magic and do something to help you make a better sound.
We have various small group activities throughout the week. Heart and Soul is having a week off this week as a lot of us are involved in Hucklow Summer School one way or another. However if you’d like to follow along the daily services from summer school including the theme talks will be up on the Hucklow YouTube channel every afternoon (if the technology holds together). I’ll be dashing off quite quickly after today’s service as our first workshop starts at 2pm – wish us luck!
In two weeks time, on 3rd September, we’ll be having our ‘Gathering the Waters’ service – this is a traditional ‘regathering’ after some of us have been gallivanting over the summer months – if you do go anywhere in the next fortnight, for a holiday or a day trip, collect a little drop of water and bring it back with you (or you can always just bring some from your tap). And we’re hoping to have a bring-and-share lunch that day as well, but we need a volunteer to organise that, to sign people up to bring food, and to make sure we have a range of offerings, nobody has come forward to organise that as yet so today is your last chance, if you want to make that happen, let me know.
I also want to draw your attention to the fact that we’re looking to recruit an audio-visual assistant to help us with video editing and tech hosting. The details were in the Friday email – we think it’s about six hours a week on average – most can be done from home but they’ll need to come in to church one Sunday a month. If you know anyone who might fit the bill please do pass the advert on.
We’ll be back next Sunday, when our service will be led by our own Jeannene Powell and guest preacher Rev. Sheena Gabriel. Details of all our various activities are printed on the back of the order of service, for you to take away, and also in the Friday email.
The congregation very much has a life beyond Sunday mornings; we encourage you to keep in touch, look out for each other, and do what you can to nurture supportive connections.
I think that’s everything. Just time for our closing words and closing music now.
Benediction: based on words by Lindsay Bates
With faith in the creative powers of life,
With hope for the future of life in this world,
With love for all others who share this life with us,
Let us go forward together, in peace, to seek justice.
Our gathering has ended; let our service begin.
May it be so, for the greater good of all. Amen.
Closing Music: ‘Summer’- Suite from The Victorian Kitchen Garden – Paul Reade (played by Benjie and Andrew)
Rev. Cody Coyne and Rev. Dr. Jane Blackall
20th August 2023
